“The ability to support yourself when you’ve been dependent on your spouse for the majority of the marriage. That’s the biggest issue,” Elliot Green, a family law attorney practicing in New York City, said.
When someone has spent 20 or more years trusting their partner to handle the finances, for example, there can be a disconnect between how much something costs, for example, or how much money is really available to them, once they are separated and responsible for handling their own finances. “That’s the kind of thing that people fall into in long-term marriages: this one is in charge of this and this one is in charge of that,” Brown explained. “And if you look at a business, you wouldn’t expect the IT department to know anything about marketing and vice versa, right? And why would you? They have a job to do and they all work together to get the job done. And that’s what a marriage is — an economic partnership."“I think mediation is a good product,” Green said.
Green stressed that if there are allegations of domestic violence or restraining orders involved, mediation is not an option, due to the imbalance of power present in the relationship that would put one party at a disadvantage versus the other. But in most cases, it’s a useful tool that can help move cases quicker and resolve issues sooner. After all, as Green said: “The longer you fight, the more the attorneys make and the less you keep for yourself.
“Life is short and when we created marriage, relationships and monogamy we weren’t necessarily expecting to have to spend 60 or 70 years with somebody,” she said. “It’s normal for love to go through phases and it’s also normal for love to leave a relationship. And so I think it’s about not judging yourself or others, but about deciding what makes sense for you right now. Nobody has a crystal ball and we make the best decisions we can based on the information we have at the time.
Has to be the worse. To start over later in life really sucks.
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