Waving Goodbye - Musings, Rants & Scribbles

I looked down and there was my father in his business suit, scanning the ship’s passengers. “Cliff!!” I called, using his first name. I’m not sure why I didn’t yell out, “Dad!” Maybe I knew too many men would respond to that name. Maybe I wanted to appear grown-up and sophisticated. Maybe it was the first thing that came to mind. Whatever the case, my Dad heard and found me, waving from the ship’s rail.

We looked at each other and grinned. I gave an exaggerated shrug. “Do you believe this?” I was still pinching myself over being chosen to help my company celebrate its 200anniversary with a trip to England aboard this famous ocean liner. My father gave an exaggerated shrug back, shaking his head. “No, I can’t believe it,” he seemed to say.

A huge blast sounded from the horn and we started pulling away. By degrees and inches, the distance between my father and I grew. Above, sea gulls called to each other. The air smelled briny and oily and sweet. Tug boats and sail boats and speedboats swirled around New York harbor. I watched my father grow smaller on the dock, touched that he took time out of his busy work day in Long Island to see me off.

These days my father spends most of his time confined to a hospital bed. Weak and frail, he’s unable to move. All his food must be pureed into unappetizing lumps to prevent choking, hand-fed by my Mom or an aide. My father’s dependent on others for everything.Only this time that Bon Voyage is reversed. I’m on the dock and my father’s on the ship. But instead of the QE2 slowly pulling him away, it’s Parkinson’s Disease, taking him inch by inch, bit by bit, from the family and life he loves.

I know this is part of getting older. And up till three years ago, my father led a good, happy, healthy life. So many people have gone through these hard times. Now it’s our turn.And many times I’ve thought of him showing up on that beautiful September afternoon simply to wave goodbye.

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