Unloved Daughters: How to Manage Your Emotions in a Crisis

Identifying what you’re feeling is the first step toward beginning to learn; knowing what you are feeling is a problem for both those who push off from emotions and those who are overwhelmed by them.

This is going to take some effort and conscious awareness on your part, and you will have to find the technique that works for you. When a specificsituation arises and you can feel your mood changing, shift to focus. If you can, physically move away from what’s causing you stress—your spouse or kid, the news on the television—and sit down somewhere and collect yourself. What were you feeling?

If you’re in the habit of pushing off from your feelings, the chances are good you actually don’t know why you’re being reactive. Back up and take a look. Focus on what is arousing you. Are you merely irritated or really angry? Or are you fearful?has proven helpful, judging by readers’ comments. When you feel a rush of emotion, simply Stop. Physically withdraw if you can or simply give yourself a mental time out. Then Look at what you are feeling, name it, and trace it back to the source.

The quick changes to ordinary life may affect you in different ways, depending on your past experiences, and it’s important that you be able to spot the old anxieties bubbling up to the surface. The more you can explore your feelings and unpack them with conscious awareness, the more you will be able to manage them. Do talk to yourself, and give praise where it’s due if you’ve made progress.

Find a place that’s quiet and ask family members not to disturb you and turn your devices off; if music relaxes you, play some. Visualizations need to be detailed to work so if you are going to bring up an image of a person or a place, use photographs to stimulate your imagination or write about what you’ll be visualizing in detail. If you are imagining a place, make it somewhere you’ve been and, again, focus on detail, using as many sensory cues as possible.

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