U.S. Allocates $500 Million For Mohammed Bin Salman To Use On Anger Management Counseling

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WASHINGTON—In an effort to move past a tense diplomatic moment with the Gulf state, President Joe Biden announced Tuesday that the United States would allocate $500 million for Saudi Arabian crown prince Mohammed bin Salman to use on anger management counseling. “Despite obvious differences in opinion, it’s crucial that we maintain Saudi Arabia as a partner in the region, and that means getting the crown prince the help that he needs to deal with his anger issues,” said Biden in a press conference, adding that the half-billion in U.S. aid would allow bin Salman to attend group therapy sessions with others who have similar emotional difficulties and speak with a private counsel about the mental habits that led him to kill and dismember journalist Jamal Khashoggi. “I’ll admit it: Fixing his problems is not going to happen overnight. But with great effort and introspection, he’ll be able to understand the origin of his hatred of dissidents and see that he doesn’t need to be controlled by these feelings. If he can make that progress, then this is money well spent.” At press time, Biden was backpedaling after critics suggested he had failed to learn the lessons of the Obama administration’s botched Syria policy of sending Bashar al-Assad Feeling Good by cognitive behavioral therapist David D. Burns.

WASHINGTON—In an effort to move past a tense diplomatic moment with the Gulf state, President Joe Biden announced Tuesday that the United States would allocate $500 million for Saudi Arabian crown prince Mohammed bin Salman to use on anger management counseling.

aid would allow bin Salman to attend group therapy sessions with others who have similar emotional difficulties and speak with a private counsel about the mental habits that led him to kill and dismember journalist Jamal Khashoggi. “I’ll admit it: Fixing his problems is not going to happen overnight. But with great effort and introspection, he’ll be able to understand the origin of his hatred of dissidents and see that he doesn’t need to be controlled by these feelings.

 

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robdelaney That’s about right. Maybe somebody should call a meeting for MBS and bring a bone saw.

Just take away his bone saw..

hahahaha

Are you serious 😂

The theonion has been killing it lately!

There will also be an attached flyer saying he has won a speedboat, but he can only claim it at The Hague.

Nice

Biden is the strongest and bravest President ever! Awards medal of freedom to himself!!

😂

Laughing out loud. Love the amount, which might not be enough!

ok onion

I do not understand this

I think he would argue that he is quite good at getting angry already and does not need a councillor to help him.

Why so Syrius...

LOL

rezamarashi I do soooo love !

We should probably send an apology letter as well. Show him how serious we are.

To be provided by Blackwater

Wow US will give us this money 😂 * i know it's a joke *

Yes instead of Drone or warhead strikes, send drop ships of psychiatrists and counselors to help these poor victims of Western oppression making them hate each other over religion & culture

remains king

A+.

...provided by Lockheed Martin

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Hahahahahahahaha

Shipped on pallets.

In his defense, Bin Salman was very calm and smiling when he ordered the stabbing and dismemberment of Khashoggi’s body

EliotHiggins 🤣

ЭТО ТЫ СДОХНЕШЬ ВМЕСТЕ С ЭТИМ ПСОМ ОТ НЕРВОВ

Will he have to return the wealth & assets he tortured out of his relatives?

As part of its Defund the Navy SeALs initiative. More counselors, fewer operators.

We need to give this page more exposure, never misses

That would help.

Redirect every urge for a finger amputation to a pillow punch

That sounds about right.

That money should go to the US unemployed tho

I thought this was satire

whenever y’all tweet

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