of being left alone. When the speaker of these words calms down, they realize that they didn’t even mean what they said. They know that they were dishonest and are not truly done with the relationship permanently. Frantically flooded with feelings, they reach for the most dramatic language they could find. It was an attempt to assure themselves that they weren’t trapped by reminding their partner that they are free to leave at any time.
The pain and fright that the words cause is frequently a conversation stopper, which the partner who utters them really does want. But there are so many other ways to draw a boundary that does not come with such a huge price tag.: Not only is the issue dropped temporarily, but there is so much pain associated with it that the topic isn’t brought up again.
: Both partners feel embarrassed due to having lost their composure resulting in speaking and acting in unskillful ways.. The trust may fall so low that one day, the partner who has been threatened will say, “Fine, let’s let it be over” and it won’t be an empty threat, they will mean it, and the relationship really will be done. These are all huge prices to pay for indulging in saying two mean spirited words.
It is the calm, open, and respectful exchange of the full range of our feelings that allows both partners to learn how to successfully be in a relationship. If you look at your own experience, you will find that’s the only thing that has ever brought closeness and trust. The dangerous words will never accomplish that goal, they will only take us away from what we most desire, to be wanted, valued, respected, and loved.
Bloomwork FO and KY
Bloomwork Name calling. Should never go there.
Bloomwork 'cun*' is my favorite
Bloomwork I knew this even before reading it. Such words are highly implicating in a relationship
Bloomwork One of the most popular episodes of my podcast was about reading behavioral indicators of bad and good relationships. Thought some of you might enjoy:
Bloomwork Sometimes when we have uncertainties and feeling sensitive lately, we tend to hurt the people who take care of us the most and I think it's overstressing oneself more. Noting to oneself that: 'Know when should be enough' so instead of worrying what others think. I feel just me 🍀
Bloomwork Totally agree. Ive est this w a few people
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