Trump Seeks To Stimulate Economy By Sending Rare Autographed Photo To Every American

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WASHINGTON—With markets plummeting and many workers losing jobs as the coronavirus pandemic wreaks havoc on businesses, President Donald Trump announced Thursday a plan to stimulate the economy by sending a rare autographed 8-by-10-inch glossy photograph of himself to every U.S. resident. “We know people are hurting financially, so in order to assist them at this critical time, I will be sending out these exclusive and very high-quality signed Donald J. Trump headshots to every American,” said the president, explaining that the approximately 330 million recipients of the exclusive collector’s items could sell them for a hefty sum and then use the cash to cover rent, groceries, and medical bills, which would, in turn, pump billions of dollars back into the economy. “Look, I’m a pretty well-known guy, so these things should definitely fetch a nice price and be a huge help to our workers, sustaining them through a difficult moment in our country’s history. All we ask is that you do choose to sell them and spend the money now, for the sake of the economy, rather than holding on to these beautiful, limited-edition keepsakes as they inevitably appreciate in value. This is truly the stimulus we’ve all been waiting for.” At press time, critics had assailed Trump for exploiting a loophole in the new plan that allows him to send large corporations hundreds of thousands of extra autographed photos of himself.

 

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I wish he would. My dog goes through puppy pads like crazy.

Boy please keep it you will be remembered. NOT!!!!! Bye!!!!

Does it come with FREE darts?

How do the autographed photos taste with peanut butter?

I could use a new dart board.

He so would too.

Or scribble all over the stimulus checks.

Mandenme la de Melania mejor

Did you get your “Stop the Steal” Christmas ornament? Spend $99 and get feee shipping!

I can't till the orange jump suit edition comes out.

Which is the real one?

No thanks

So he wants to give everyone a dartboard, how nice, but NO THANK YOU

Borderlessniko

Wish he'd thought of this during the toilet paper shortage. That would've helped a lot of people.

dish_man That won't end well.

Hope it is printed on soft paper, my bathroom supply is low.

Without a certificate of authenticity I think I'll have to pass. How about a commemorative coin instead? I love those things!

Boy that would really increase carbon levels.🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

In other news, match and gasoline sales have skyrocketed.

Well, i got this keepsake from Dr Ben Carson’s campaign. Why? I don’t know... it just showed up. Strangest solicitation for $$ I’ve ever seen since herman cain’s ad with the smoking campaign manager

Very close to the truth, remember how he wanted to have his signature on the relief checks? Also, when I see news clips of him with frontline workers and he starts signing autographs, he always says 'put that on Ebay, you'll $10,000.00' 🤣🤦

With zuckerberg’s army you may create unescapable customership.

Lighting's a killer.

Fake fake-news?

Ok that's fucking funny! And horrifying I'm glad I'm blind

Feh

I wish he would waste a stamp or the time sending me this bullshit..... not worth the paper it’s printed on

I'll burn the photo.

So now is a good time to buy stocks into the companies that make nausea medicine?

Don’t laugh. George Wallace did this for every high school grad every year he was in office.

It’s bad when I can’t tell the difference between farce and reality anymore.

I would've gone with this one.

Toilet paper?

PatrickJamesSux What's next? Signed copies of the bible?

Your $2,500 bill for the photo will come in a couple months when everything gets better by Easter.

Because the trash trucks would be full of them and stimulate landfill development projects?

I’m holding out for the Melania pics

5 of them will be gold and you'll get to tour the White House with Donald Trump.

samocon12

ПОЧЕМУ НЕ ВСЕ АМЕРИКАНЦЫ АДЕКВАТНО ЭТО ВОСПРИНИМАЮТ ?

This photo is a much better likeness..........”🤡”.....🤯😱😭

Sign me up

I can't decide if the author gets what an astute commentary on inflation this is...

the best part is that by sending a rare autographed photo to every American he thus makes it no longer rare and functionally worthless

But then it’s not really rare if everyone has one!

This free toilet paper might stop people from stockpiling in the next lockdown

Davidlaz Keep it

I always wanted a picture to use as a dartboard

It'll be such a relief not to see the scowling face of that a-hole everyday.

wally_polischuk Who wants to buy the darts?

delaney_gates Yes sir. Send it. My dart board needs a new target. Using SAMs instead of darts.

you’ll miss him when he’s gone

Please tell me this is fake news. People are dying, I’m praying for the world and all the heartache occurring in the world.

Are people suppose to frame it and place it next to Jesus.... I don't know how many millions there are in the US, but when you have that many, it doesn't make it 'RARE', you fool.... But I suppose if everyone follows his advice, there are going to be a whole lot less of you guys

Shut up or he will actually do it.

RyRyLalonde3

A perfect cat litter box liner

redsteeze 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

redsteeze I want two

You may believe you're kidding, but I wouldn't be surprised to see this by the end of the year....

KapeciaResists Spit on it....then burn it.

redsteeze Omg, amazed he hasn't thought of this yet, would be great for a game of darts or other target, of course I mean like throwing eggs at it or something, if I could spare the eggs, drove 45 minutes other day to get some.

FTFU:

theamazingkodi RETURN TO SENDER

Maybe they can use it for tinder to keep their homes warm

redsteeze Good. I need a backup.

redsteeze Father seal it in your love tbat they may arrive untouched. 🙏

Today’s Onion headline will be tomorrow’s real headline

DarnelSugarfoo That would be cool.

redsteeze Babylon Bee has kicked your ass. Time to retire.

redsteeze 😂😂😂

I need some more toilet paper.

redsteeze

rdone is that his new clone? justasking

TRUMP JEFES DE ESTADO HUMANIDAD SOMOS RESPONSABLES DE EXPLOSIÓN DE PLAGA POR SOBERBIA AL NO RECONOCER CULPA EN CRÍMENES A NATURALEZA EN VEZ DE PEDIR PERDÓN A DIOS CREADOR ESPERAMOS VACUNA O MILAGRO PARA SEGUIR DESTRUYENDO LA CREACIÓN DE DIOS! SOMOS LOCOS?

Myminimine GOP GOPChairwoman realDonaldTrump DonaldJTrumpJr IvankaTrump EricTrump You guys should really sell autograph photos of yourselves

prreinke Are u kidding me? Soooo - the question is - do I immediately burn it - in the hopes he will burn up 2 - OR - do I use it 4 target practice - unfortunately that would mean keeping the filthy disgusting thing around - BUT - it would b available 4 continuous frustration venting.

redsteeze Come on guys, the TheBabylonBee is killing it right now and this what y'all got? Do better. I believe in you.

redsteeze Uh, sure. This is hilarious. Meanwhile:

Yay, toilet paper! 😉

mayaVirg He feels more god than god himself TrumpMeltdown

redsteeze While this was a good idea in nature it would never work. If every American gets one of them then the overall value will drop. It’s called deflation, maybe read up on a topic before posting about it.

redsteeze This is funny because realDonaldTrump is the narcissist who gave out a bunch of autographed pens that he used to sign a document.

redsteeze I really want one of those

I love trump and I find this funny.

Is that his signature or a shitty doodle of three Klansmen riding through tall grasses?

This might help the toilet paper shortage.

you joke...

Haha

The resell market

I will donate mine to The Kennedy Center to help our fight against the Coronavirus.

OscarNunezLA Thank god, I’m out of toilet paper.

👍👍👍

Oh it will stimulate ... my gag reflex. 😝

🤮

I finally got an idea for decoratin’ the outhouse!

Along with his new book: My Struggle

CorporatePiggie If he hand signs them that would keep him out of the way. I know this is supposed to be funny, however I would not put this passed him. You can not even give a headline anymore that we would not think is truth.

should do another funny satirical piece about Trump passing out autographed Bibles to hurricane victims

Fuel for the post-covid bonfire.

I can hear preachers across America... while disobeying socially distance orders! ReopenAmerica 'Love offerings get a free Trump picture!

I’ll use it to wipe my ass.

😂😂😂 SouthPark ChineseVirus WuhanVirus COVID19

godz_metal Oh, goody. More toilet paper.

They're much sought after so beware of fakes.

Funds for this project were allocated through the 'See How much I 3 Trump' (SHIT) act.

TonyBrunoShow Toilet target practice.

What's the over/under on Drumpf re-tweeting the Onion? I have the under on April 1st....

TonyBrunoShow I’ll frame it and put it right next to the JFK pic and Sacred Heart pic in my Moms dining room.

Don’t give him ideas.

My kind of FakeNews

Save the paper! Or, build a 🔥

HAHAHAHAHAHA

TonyBrunoShow I'd buy that for a dollar

One way to address TP shortage.

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