Trump Seeks To Stimulate Economy By Sending Rare Autographed Photo To Every American
WASHINGTON—With markets plummeting and many workers losing jobs as the coronavirus pandemic wreaks havoc on businesses, President Donald Trump announced Thursday a plan to stimulate the economy by sending a rare autographed 8-by-10-inch glossy photograph of himself to every U.S. resident. “We know people are hurting financially, so in order to assist them at this critical time, I will be sending out these exclusive and very high-quality signed Donald J. Trump headshots to every American,” said the president, explaining that the approximately 330 million recipients of the exclusive collector’s items could sell them for a hefty sum and then use the cash to cover rent, groceries, and medical bills, which would, in turn, pump billions of dollars back into the economy. “Look, I’m a pretty well-known guy, so these things should definitely fetch a nice price and be a huge help to our workers, sustaining them through a difficult moment in our country’s history. All we ask is that you do choose to sell them and spend the money now, for the sake of the economy, rather than holding on to these beautiful, limited-edition keepsakes as they inevitably appreciate in value. This is truly the stimulus we’ve all been waiting for.” At press time, critics had assailed Trump for exploiting a loophole in the new plan that allows him to send large corporations hundreds of thousands of extra autographed photos of himself.Read more: The Onion »
wally_polischuk Who wants to buy the darts? delaney_gates Yes sir. Send it. My dart board needs a new target. Using SAMs instead of darts. you’ll miss him when he’s gone Please tell me this is fake news. People are dying, I’m praying for the world and all the heartache occurring in the world. Are people suppose to frame it and place it next to Jesus.... I don't know how many millions there are in the US, but when you have that many, it doesn't make it 'RARE', you fool.... But I suppose if everyone follows his advice, there are going to be a whole lot less of you guys
Shut up or he will actually do it. RyRyLalonde3 A perfect cat litter box liner redsteeze 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 redsteeze I want two You may believe you're kidding, but I wouldn't be surprised to see this by the end of the year.... KapeciaResists Spit on it....then burn it. redsteeze Omg, amazed he hasn't thought of this yet, would be great for a game of darts or other target, of course I mean like throwing eggs at it or something, if I could spare the eggs, drove 45 minutes other day to get some.
theamazingkodi RETURN TO SENDER FTFU: Maybe they can use it for tinder to keep their homes warm redsteeze Good. I need a backup. redsteeze Father seal it in your love tbat they may arrive untouched. 🙏 Today’s Onion headline will be tomorrow’s real headline DarnelSugarfoo That would be cool. redsteeze Babylon Bee has kicked your ass. Time to retire.
redsteeze 😂😂😂 I need some more toilet paper. redsteeze rdone is that his new clone? justasking Myminimine GOP GOPChairwoman realDonaldTrump DonaldJTrumpJr IvankaTrump EricTrump You guys should really sell autograph photos of yourselves TRUMP JEFES DE ESTADO HUMANIDAD SOMOS RESPONSABLES DE EXPLOSIÓN DE PLAGA POR SOBERBIA AL NO RECONOCER CULPA EN CRÍMENES A NATURALEZA EN VEZ DE PEDIR PERDÓN A DIOS CREADOR ESPERAMOS VACUNA O MILAGRO PARA SEGUIR DESTRUYENDO LA CREACIÓN DE DIOS! SOMOS LOCOS?
prreinke Are u kidding me? Soooo - the question is - do I immediately burn it - in the hopes he will burn up 2 - OR - do I use it 4 target practice - unfortunately that would mean keeping the filthy disgusting thing around - BUT - it would b available 4 continuous frustration venting. redsteeze Come on guys, the TheBabylonBee is killing it right now and this what y'all got? Do better. I believe in you.
redsteeze Uh, sure. This is hilarious. Meanwhile: Yay, toilet paper! 😉 mayaVirg He feels more god than god himself TrumpMeltdown redsteeze This is funny because realDonaldTrump is the narcissist who gave out a bunch of autographed pens that he used to sign a document. redsteeze While this was a good idea in nature it would never work. If every American gets one of them then the overall value will drop. It’s called deflation, maybe read up on a topic before posting about it.
redsteeze I really want one of those I love trump and I find this funny. This might help the toilet paper shortage. Is that his signature or a shitty doodle of three Klansmen riding through tall grasses? you joke... Haha The resell market I will donate mine to The Kennedy Center to help our fight against the Coronavirus.
👍👍👍 OscarNunezLA Thank god, I’m out of toilet paper. Oh it will stimulate ... my gag reflex. 😝 🤮 I finally got an idea for decoratin’ the outhouse! Along with his new book: My Struggle CorporatePiggie If he hand signs them that would keep him out of the way. I know this is supposed to be funny, however I would not put this passed him. You can not even give a headline anymore that we would not think is truth.
should do another funny satirical piece about Trump passing out autographed Bibles to hurricane victims Fuel for the post-covid bonfire. I can hear preachers across America... while disobeying socially distance orders! ReopenAmerica 'Love offerings get a free Trump picture! I’ll use it to wipe my ass.
godz_metal Oh, goody. More toilet paper. 😂😂😂 SouthPark ChineseVirus WuhanVirus COVID19 Funds for this project were allocated through the 'See How much I 3 Trump' (SHIT) act. They're much sought after so beware of fakes. TonyBrunoShow Toilet target practice. What's the over/under on Drumpf re-tweeting the Onion? I have the under on April 1st....
Don’t give him ideas. TonyBrunoShow I’ll frame it and put it right next to the JFK pic and Sacred Heart pic in my Moms dining room. HAHAHAHAHAHA Save the paper! Or, build a 🔥 My kind of FakeNews TonyBrunoShow I'd buy that for a dollar One way to address TP shortage.
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Even Donald Trump Is Slamming GOP Lawmaker Delaying Coronavirus BillRepublicans and Democrats are condemning Rep. Thomas Massie for insisting legislators vote in person instead of holding a 'voice vote.' Who knew a shitbag Rep would be the thing that would unite us all What are they afraid will come out ? He’s counting on more Dems getting positive results than repubs..if they’re quarantined then bully for repubs side..one way of rebalancing congress in repub favor. ..