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Trump Administration Rolls Back Hunting Regulations Forbidding Use Of Chokeholds, Eye Gouging On Birds

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WASHINGTON—In a legal measure that will greatly expand the options available to American sportsmen, the Trump administration announced Thursday that it would repeal legacy regulations forbidding the use of controversial chokeholds and eye-gouging when hunting game birds. “Although animal rights activists have long decried placing grouse in sleeper holds, piledriving pheasants, and headbutting doves, we recognize that these inarguably effective moves have a long tradition among wingshooters,” said President Donald Trump in a press conference, adding that no less a man than Theodore Roosevelt had thought nothing of roundhouse kicking a brace of ducks for his dinner. “They call the move the ‘Crossface Chicken Wing’ for a reason. Furthermore, banning the use of the common folding chair as an implement for slamming birds across the head is a holdover from the days of ignorant environmentalists who don’t respect traditional hunting. True woodsmen know that respecting nature often means wrapping barbed wire around your fist to pummel a Canada goose or digging your thumbs into the eyes of a woodcock, and that there isn’t a hunter alive who wouldn’t curb stomp a wild turkey.” President Trump then posed for photographs while repeatedly smashing a quail beak-first into one of the White House’s marble columns.

 

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wally_polischuk Trump is a demon. Type of kid that probably would harm animals that’s why animals don’t like trump. Trump is cruel

WOW. Might as well make everything illegal.

My ancestors have hunted in this way for thousands of years.

TheCrushingJaws That guys a real babe tho, he could totally put me in a chokehold anytime

CNN nytimes can we get a fact check please?

Fact check

Have 6 year olds taken over the onion?

snopes is this true?

It’s a basic human right to choke a chicken from time to time.

Not from the onion

snopes is this true?

Babylon Bee is funnier.

It only affected a small percentage of waterfowl anyway. Do you realize how hard it is to eye gouge a goose? It's something for which you have to train your whole life to be able to do effectively. These rules were enacted out of jealousy because most posers can't pull it off.

WTF! 😡 If anyone see’s a Drumpfer...you know what to do 😈

I’ve been eye gauging this whole time

Snopes cane we get a fact check here? There’s so much fake news out there I’m not sure what to believe anymore.

GlennKesslerWP Is this true, Glenn?

Alyciajoybadger

Pfft. I wanna see unarmed deer hunting.

In response to this no doubt

Arms training for squirrels

As long as dynamite is still fine during fishing season, we are all good here.

It's about time, there's a group of self-important Canada Geese just waiting to be goosed.

This is a deeply upsetting picture

thank the imaginary gods

But what will keep the birds from using choke holds on the hunters?

Of course. It's the dick thing to do.

What about German suplexes?

Honestly can’t tell the parody anymore. Next you’ll be saying he called for Obama to be impeached and thrown out of office and the 2020 Oscar to go to Gone With The Wind

waterboarding is still cool?

Finally! Another use for my melon baller.

But can I elbow drop a goose?

I just assumed this true.

Sickening NotMyPresident

I mean... ✌️ luv ya guys

Too believable Onion. Try again.

This would have prevented the Cheney incident....

Why are these people so fteskin CRUEL!!

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