Lap dances are cool if done by professionals
Is this really all that common in relationships? Not judging, it just seems kind of awkward. 'Couple can't stop giggling like kids in church, during 'totally sexy' strip club roleplaying.'
That's why I don't ride on top
😂😂
This episode of Sesame Street is brought to you by the letters S, T, and D.
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Wow
upairdownair
These are surprisingly hard to pull off without proper training.
The true cost of the obesity epidemic
IM CRYING OMG LOLL
🤣
Lmfao
Whose thighs?
I blame climate change
Ok but at first glance did anyone else think that was Chowder on her underwear?
(Casually does the Macarena on lap)
DINGLEBERRY DEPARTS DIRTY DANCER DROPS ON DUDES DUNGERIES!
GASSY GIRL FACE FARTS DURING DIRTY DANCE
You graze that tip and it's on
DIRTY DANCER DROPS DEUCE ON DUMBFOUNDED DUDE!!
Lap dances are hard asf to do. Yall don't give us enough credit, don't think that riding dick doesn't hurt your hips either. Pain is pain.
Yet another thing best left to professionals
Ok..I admit it. As much as I am an advanced Male that sees women as not a sex object, as soon as I see a good looking woman not fat and half naked all I can do is think about my primitive mating urge, reverting back to what nowadays are horrible primitive male instincts.
Burn baby burn BURN BABY BURN,,,,,,
Understandable. Friction coefficient of skin is pretty high.
Don't forget the charley horse!
Mask needed top and bottom ,um I think one of the two was called a condom ? ... :-)
Blue Emu for her sore thighs, but will it help his blue balls?
“How long is this fucking song?!!”
I have never had a lap dance
Don’t fight gravity
Does realDonaldTrump wear jeans?
finally, the female journalist representation we need
It’s the fabric. It’s better when there’s no fabric involved 😁
The only solution is to take turns.
My thighs are on fire just thinking about it
I hope they are wearing masks
She had... man hands
Accurate
Nice
I'm all in 😍
Stop, it’s too real
I would say that was Rudy but his hands aren’t down his pants.
okay usually I just respond to the title and this time I didn't understand so I read the article and I am never going to get that 75 seconds of my life back.
It be like that sometimes
I love the horny onion post😏
The best is yet to come!
horny on main
am i the only dumbass not getting lap dances during the pandemic
keep grinding
courage
Again
Fiery thighs huh, pretty sure that’s a COVID symptom.
The Onion is totes horns on this Monday morns! LMFAO!
That’s why you should just let him go to a professional.
I'm dead 😂👌
Onion writers 'finish' before they finish 'joke'. TheOnionSucks
Are you sure she is 26? The poor lady is acting like she is 95. Time for a new career. Any advice for her doing what. Maybe as an intern for the Republicans?
You should prolly have that looked at
Hers or his?
One of the downsides associated to COVID. Out of practice strippers. Please support your local establishments to prevent further loss.
I felt this tweet. 😩
slubadubdub
Well, then drop and grind I guess
It's a scene from Cuties, isn't it?
Lol best real news
Oh man, that one time in San Diego...
Whew, she's 26. Carry on!
Nice QAnon exposè, Onion, how a photo with such eye appeal can be filled with so much shit. However, just like the 'dude' that is passed out on the couch, nobody will get this.
Imagine how much it would burn if she had thighs.....
Strippers be rubbing on your crotch like they tryna set my pubes on fire wtf
From this vantage point, based on that photo, you may want to check his pulse. Either that, or his sexual preference.
I feel like The Onion got more female writers lately and it's spectacular.
Those damn Antifa terrorist strippers!
Don't skip leg day
Thanx to my friends Mom
calm down onion
Flirty? What kind of scenario is this?
Is this the sequel to Cuties?
DAWG WHAT THE FUCK
Onion horny on main
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