The Knights Templar Are Urgently Hiring

Are you an independent worker? Are you looking to make a difference in the world? Are you interested in protecting the treasured Holy Grail? Then apply for a job with the Knights Templar today! Following a wave of resignations during the past year, we have several openings that urgently need to be filled.The Knights Templar have been the leading entrusted guardian of the Holy Grail for the past nine centuries.

We offer a competitive salary and benefits package. Here are just some of the many perks you can expect:We understand that Americans are tired of long, stressful commutes and working out of musty, centuries-old castles. That’s why we highly encourage all employees to work from home—as long as you remember to bring the Grail with you. We even offer reimbursement for expenses incurred while converting a corner of your living room into a sacred, hidden vault.

We’ve heard the feedback from burned-out former employees and have taken it to heart. After only a hundred and fifty years of service, vacation automatically scales up to three weeks. Make the most of your generous P.T.O. with complimentary accommodations at any of our Transjordanian strongholds. And we don’t differentiate between sick days and personal days, sparing you from the mortal sin of lying.

Equal Employment Opportunity , except for women, the unbaptized, and the sexually active. Third-born sons are particularly encouraged to apply.

X GENDER, read 'The clock of life' by Cesare di Provenza

I meet all of the qualifications, love the miracle healthcare plan and I’m also trying to get into the illuminati if that helps my application. ✨

The Knights Templar were 'freemasons'. I'd rather not.

Still trying to live down the Crusades.

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Hard to imagine 'sexually active' for that guy.

Define 'sexually active'

When you say “cup of Christ” are we talking actual cups or is this a Da Vinci Code thing?

Hopes raised and then dashed.

'Protect the Cup; the Cup protects you.'

amsaybennett

I made a suit of armour for an amateur play out of cardboard, sprayed with black and silver. It looked good! However, during Act 2, the tape gave way, the 'armour' rustled to the floor, and only one piece of card was left, saying 'Smith's crisps' (chips).

Does the armor come in a 44 Husky?

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