The Convenient Lie of 'Sexual Empowerment'

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This is an adapted excerpt from Tracy Clark-Flory’s Want Me: A Sex Writer’s Journey into the Heart of Desire, a memoir about coming of age under the illusion of sexual freedom.

I was sitting on a weathered wooden bench next to Brian . We were sharing a bottle of rum that he’d stolen from a convenience store of a mega hotel with a thundering waterfall in its lobby. I was a high school sophomore on a Hawaiian vacation with my parents—and I’d been invited by some boys to a party on the beach. Brian and I swigged while staring out at the white sand, where a dozen or so other kids similarly swigged.

All the while, I kept a vigilant eye on the curtains of the cabana, knowing that any of the nearby partiers could easily peek in, noting that the rum was making the edges of my vision blur, and understanding that “bad things” could happen to girls in moments like this. Brian suggested sex and I gave a firm “no.” About this, I felt “really good,” I later wrote, obviously

. As though I’d ever done that before, as though it were already old hat. I was emphatic about my own enjoyment, though: “It was fun, & I’ll be smiling & happy for the next week, non-stop ,” I wrote. “It was like an AMAZING in-my-dreams fantasy come to life.” I went on to volunteer, “I don’t feel demeaned or degraded or stupid or anything . He wasn’t taking advantage of me, I did exactly what I wanted & got exactly what I wanted, same w/him.

Her book presaged an era of worry about the choices privileged young women were making around things like having casual sex, watching pornography, and taking strip aerobics classes. As manifested in the media, the young woman of concern was often specifically white, middle- to upper-class, and heterosexual. The very concept of the “girl gone wild” implies a progression—a passage from “good” to “bad.

 

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“I was a girl living in a world where women’s desire is narrowed to being desired” powerful

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