Vanities, Lori Loughlin

Vanities, Lori Loughlin

The Brazen Confidence of Olivia Jade’s Allegedly Fake Athletic Résumé

Her “skill set” included “awareness, organization, direction and steering.”

2/11/2020 12:18:00 AM

Olivia Jade's “skill set” included “awareness, organization, direction and steering”

Her “skill set” included “awareness, organization, direction and steering.”

Rick Singer,the college-admissions scandal ringleader and reason for the scam season. (Though Singer is working with prosecutors for a plea deal, Loughlin and Giannulli are fighting this thing, having pleaded not guilty on all three charges.)To back up a little, Giannulli and Loughlin stand accused of faking their two daughters’ ways into the University of Southern California with the help of a mole in the athletic department. Neither Olivia Jade nor her sister,

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Bella,participated in crew in high school, but Singer allegedly had them pose as crack crew recruits with the help of photos of them on a rowing machine and résumés like this one. The couple, who allegedly paid half a million dollars to Singer’s fake nonprofit, is arguing that they believed they were buying their children into college the regular rich-people way.

The résumé, then, is a list of made-up accomplishments one of the daughters achieved as a coxswain. The name on the allegedly fake crew résumé is redacted, but the high school graduation year at the top corresponds to Olivia Jade’s high school graduation year, not her older sister’s. Plus, a note at the bottom reads, “Her sister is currently on our roster and fills the position in our #4 boat.”

So what does the allegedly fake résumé say? Some choice bullet points: two gold medal wins at the San Diego Crew Classic, one in 2016, the other in 2014. Varsity women’s eight boat; junior varsity men’s four boat from 2016 to 2017. Fourteenth place in Boston’s Head of the Charles race in 2017 (though I don’t fully grasp what a “good” race result is in crew, I assume that listing 14th place is like when you’re cheating on a test and you shoot for a 94 instead of a 100 to evade a teacher’s suspicion). Under “skill set”? “Awareness, organization, direction and steering.”

This is a brazen allegedly fake document. The confidence of it, the daring. Yet, the true bounty is still out there, maybe. It’s the thing alluded to but never shown, the white whale of this case: the staged photo of Olivia Jade on the rowing machine at the gym.

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