Tell Us About Your Messiest 4th of July

One school holidays, we were out in the boat at the islands. Did my usual sunscreen before swimming and playing, and everything is grand. Mam calls us out of the water for lunch, then reminds me to ‘screen up again before going back in the water. Y’all. The sunscreen reacted somehow, and BOILED the skin on my shoulders. We thought it was just a bad sunburn at first, but the trip to the local hospital, followed by an ambulance ride to a city hospital 160km away confirmed 2nd and 3rd degree burns.

Anyway, we ate the Whataburger and checked into our cheap motel, where all 4 of us shared a room. Around 2 a.m. my sister wakes us with the sound of violent vomiting. My guts start to hurt, too, but I try to hold it to no avail. My illness is out the backend, and I didn’t make it to the bathroom. My parents spring up and try to help my barfing sister while I shit my pants, and THEY start hurling. Four people, 1 toilet, 1 tub/shower, 1 sink.

We make a big ole stinky humiliating mess and try to clean up after ourselves between heaves. Then the power goes out around 4 a.m. My dad opens the door for fresh air and to look outside and it is pitch black as far as the eye could see. He said something about the devil being in north Texas and it is time to leave. My parents left every piece of cash and change they had on them for the housekeeping, knowing the mess they were leaving behind. Instead of going to our intended destination to see family in south Texas, we headed back north.

This is a prized family story we tell at gatherings, but no one seems to appreciate it as much as the 4 of us.

That photo’s just a touch phallic isn’t it? Your intent?

You can bet these gals avoided Feminism like the plague. Which means they had happy lives. Don't be a perpetual victim.

I lost my shoe.

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