Swing Voter Really Relates To Buttigieg’s Complete Lack Of Conviction

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DES MOINES, IA—Praising the former South Bend, IN mayor as a “true champion” of nothing in particular, local swing voter Chris Fernsby told reporters Tuesday he felt a deep connection with presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg’s complete lack of conviction. “As a generally noncommittal person without any firm ideas about how our government should be run, I can see a lot of myself in this up-and-coming young leader with no discernible political identity,” said Fernsby, who added that Buttigieg’s vague but carefully focus-grouped positions on Medicare for All and police reform perfectly captured his own indecisive and shifting mindset when it came to issues at stake in the 2020 election. “Do I have strong views on affordable housing or how much public college tuition should cost? No. But you know what? Neither does Pete Buttigieg. When I listen to his uplifting, substance-free rhetoric, the only thing I can tell for sure is that he really, really wants to be president. And that’s good enough for me!” Fernsby went on to add that while he intended to support Buttigieg for the Democratic nomination, he still planned to vote for President Trump in the general election.

 

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This is awesome 👏 bravo!

Keep up the great work

tracieTweetsTv Oh shit….

Maybe he does maybe he doesn't..

🎵Are you Aaron Burr, sir?🎵

I agree, we need more idiots on the debate stage peddling extreme, desperately unpopular positions.

“When I listen to his uplifting, substance-free rhetoric, the only thing I can tell for sure is that he really, really wants to be president. And that’s good enough for me!” nailed it.

Onion, this is supposed to be satire

Buttigieg on the trail

Swing voters have conviction just not to the f%king GOP and DNC.

Ha! 😄

every time he speaks hes trying to read the faces of his audience to see if hes on the right subject they approve of. hes like trump he'll tell you anything you want to hear to get elected, my kind of guy!

It’s like something he did on a lark.

It's funny because it's true.😂

when did Jason Ralph get so old

I feel the same way about this guy I'm chasing...only I'm glad I have a stun gun on me if I catch him.

of course they found a stock photo of someone that looks almost exactly like pete

The onion doesn’t ever fuck around I love it

KyleKulinski The Onion did it again.

KyleKulinski Perfectly parodies Pete’s supporters

FemaleBernieBro 😂😂🤣

Support or shit on whoever you want, but make sure you vote for whoever gets the nomination. We have bigger problems to deal with.

The swing voter (Independent) is what makes the election interesting & relevant, refusing to fall in line with hardened stale camps, & demanding a better future of freedom & a supportive system. Tho, specifically, Mayor Pete is not of much interest... The populisms are, however.

KyleKulinski Lmao!!!

This might be my favorite Onion piece in a long time. I can’t stand swing voters or Mayor Pete so it hit my sweet spot. 👍

'a 'true champion' of nothing in particular' 🏅

😂👏

swing voters are greedy, go both ways, don't know what they want, and can't be trusted. they also spread STDs. look at his ugly non-smile smile.

KyleKulinski Buttigiegs face lacks character. The kind that comes from facing real challenges in life. Anyone with a face like his has either been to privileged to face hardship or has lied his way through life...

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