BOULDER, CO—Providing groundbreaking new insight into human sexuality, a study published Thursday by researchers at the University of Colorado found that if a person were to engage in intercourse with an A-list celebrity, the experience would be extremely satisfying.
“Over the course of our inquiry, we concluded that having intimate sexual relations with, for example, Rihanna, would result in a marked improvement in one’s general mood and overall sense of well-being,” said Professor Liza Mulbin, explaining that the euphoric effect that comes from sex with a top-tier celebrity one has seen on television or in films can likely be attributed to the fact that such individuals are very attractive, very famous, and very rich.
my a list obviously differs from yours
How does one get in on participating in these studies?
. Not really. I don't value fame or celebrity. I value truth, character, and personality. Physical attraction is necessary of course. Celebrities don't have any more of those 3 things - than anyone else. the truth
Make that gross HOMOSEXUAL intercourse! Ha, ha, ha, ha . . .
I said this before on this same post. Calling Jennifer Anniston an A- celebrity is the biggest reach. Maybe B to B- I'm leaning more towards the B-
Ummm, I wonder who carried out the research 😏
If they paid my $1M finder's fee, deal.
I dont want to have sex with any of these people except Rihanna maybe
Strange, I've never asked anyone for a autograph after sex, but hey that shits worth money!
I am willing to verify these results, Anne Hathaway...
Nicki Manaj is pretty much a porn star, so 🍩🌽
psycholagny
How do we find this chance?
Onion is the only news outlet that makes me smile with every news it puts out.
What has Chrissy done to be an A list celebrity? Tweeting problematic things about children?
What do they look like without A-list makeup ?
Would i be invited to the annual partner award show? mirandalambert
Duh..lol, but I like how u think
No thank you, I don't like community penis
When did Chrissy Teigen become an 'A List' celebrity?
NO THANK YOU,,,,,,,I PASS
GwynethPaltrow That's true. Just ask Paltrow -
In other words, the sky is blue
This joke is kinda old & are always so creepy w/ an underlying rapey vibe. Like who is so bad at sex, they dream of having sex with someone who would never want to have sex with them? Whomever wrote this doesn’t understand big dick energy doesn’t think/act/joke this way. Lol. 😆
NottaPriest 🤣
Aesthetically , maybe. They're probably shit in bed, it's why they can't hold on to a relationship.
lol, is that so
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Rihanna 😍😍
This is a disgusting study from you guys.
Study also find that they will all go to hell for eternity
57% of guys who say they would do the intercourse with Beyonce are just saying that because it's the kind of thing they think someone like them would say.
hell yeah, with donald trump😋
satisfying to whom
Notice how James Woods isn’t there
No one: Some dude in the comments: I dOn'T kNoW wHo AnY oF tHeSe PeOpLe ArE
When your government is a parody ...
MMMMMmmmmm No.
Depends on which one...I'm sure many are terrible at sex
Wow onion very cool
Probably not for the celebrity
Does that include Oprah?
*wheezing* HARRYYYY
probably not. it would involve a lot of convos about their careers and various other fears before and after. but, who knows, i can look into it, send some funds for research.
Can't argue with science!
Why are we looking at the slightly damaged A-list when we could shoot for the stars on the A+list.
I dont recall being asked to be part of this study, but would like to offer myself up. Only because I appreciate science.
Am I pitching or catching?
Margot Robbie please & thank you!
Jennifer Aniston an A-? Okay that's a reach. And who's the guy in middle on the left I don't even know who he is. He's not a star. I have no clue who that guy even is, but I'm already not really impressed.
Thanks for using that particular photo of Harry.
who is third row second column ?
was there any doubt?
Statistically, they can't all be good in bed. You are more likely to be disappointed then not, even if this is an onion headline..
I wanna be in the next fucking study!
oh yeah
No thanks. The egoism would be exhausting.
kamranpasha Hy? They're all 1 or 2 orders of separation away from Satan.
I would not like to do that
Why didnt we apply for this research itsbarneerman
omg... oooo... ohhh... ahhh... mmm... Caradelevingne uhhh... whew...
chris and harry there wheww
Gonna need your sourcing
How is VancityReynolds not in this photo spread of purported “A Listers”? Or shondarhimes ? I understand leaving RealHughJackman out. Poor bastard keeps desperately needing to remind us he played Wolverine once upon a time.
Look at this
Both Stormy Daniels and Donald Trump were thinking this when they first went up to the room, but each probably worried more about STDs the next day rather than “improved outlook”.
Actors will exhaust you. But typically not in a good way
Didn't knew that The Onion also posted real true sheez😂
based on....? I've found it extremely unsatisfying - they're selfish
Brad ♥
Agree to disagree
I’d swim to America just to look at Rihanna’s panties on the washing line.
JohnEberlin My eyes! Too blue for this platform
This reminds me of the Chinese guy in 'The Dictator'. Everyone has a price.
Nah, they're too clingy, Jen still calls...
Who cares!
What? No Barbara Stanwych? What kind of “A list” list is this?
With my luck they would assign me Chrissy Teigen.
chrissy teagen....?
Rhianna doesn't seem too chuffed at the prospect of non celebrity shenanigans
Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but A-list means their into butt stuff?
Im not sure about satisfying though. They are all divas and then there are MY needs. At least 4 rose petals per square foot
That's a hard pass from me. Although I'd love to sit down to a cup of tea and a chat with young Harry. He's an interesting lad.
I'd be down with all but Brad Pitt. I don't know why but there's just something arrogant and creepy about him.
Z-List first. I'll work my way up.
Sandra Bullock & Henry Cavill would be nice!!
drewmagary Will you also do a B-List?
No friggin way.
Not shit sherlock
Give me ScarJo or Chris Hemsworth. Either, I don’t mind. NoHomo
drewmagary Paul Giamatti and Steve Buscemi seem like they’d be generous lovers
Where are they doing testing trials to prove this theory? Sign me up.
Pass.
Probably
Is Rashida Jones participating?
stoolpresidente I don’t see Sandra Bullock
harry chrissy michael and rhia aint a list though
Who are most of these people
Or, indeed, a list of celebrities.
You already had me at 'intercourse'.
Its come to this for you guys?! The real headlines making it hard to do your jobs?!
I must be asexual then.
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