So-Called Vegetarian Always Kills, Devours Chicken Whole Whenever She’s Drunk

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DENVER—Expressing skepticism regarding Sarah Hastings’ holier-than-thou proclamations of support for animal rights and ethical eating, friends of the 23-year-old graduate student told reporters Thursday that the self-described “vegetarian,” in fact, kills and devours a chicken whole whenever she is drunk. “Sarah talks big about caring about animals, but after just a few beers, she’s catching a chicken, slitting its throat, and ripping it limb from limb with her teeth,” said close friend Aaron Wright, adding that he has heard enough of Hasting’s interminable lectures about the cruelty of factory farming and the environmental damage caused by meat consumption to smell hypocrisy when he saw her stumble from a bar with a pair of half-dead chickens struggling feebly in her hands. “I’ve seen the boxes of feathers and chicken entrails under her couch, but when I mention it, she just gives me a knowing look and grins at me through the chicken blood. Now, look, obviously I’m fine with that, nothing wrong with decapitating and eating chickens all day every day. It’s her hypocrisy that gets to me.” Hastings has also claimed that she was still meat-free despite taking a “cheat day” once a month to jump the fence at a nearby farm, use a bolt gun on the first cow she came across, and feast on the warm brains and marrow.\n

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DENVER—Expressing skepticism regarding Sarah Hastings’ holier-than-thou proclamations of support for animal rights and ethical eating, friends of the 23-year-old graduate student told reporters Thursday that the self-described “vegetarian,” in fact, kills and devours a chicken whole whenever she is drunk.

“Sarah talks big about caring about animals, but after just a few beers, she’s catching a chicken, slitting its throat, and ripping it limb from limb with her teeth,” said close friend Aaron Wright, adding that he has heard enough of Hasting’s interminable lectures about the cruelty of factory farming and the environmental damage caused by meat consumption to smell hypocrisy when he saw her stumble from a bar with a pair of half-dead chickens struggling feebly in her hands.

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Literally me.

Imagine being vegan. Like I understand being vegetarian, but vegan. Hell nah.

Written by the owner of slaughter house? I have never met that kind of vegetarian you describe.

You should see what Jordan Peterson does to kale after a few bong loads.

Straight journalism now? What the hell--?

cracktivities🤪✌️💖

Peta in a nutshell, wants to save animals, kills animals

Same

I get DUI's but I guess we all got dreams and different goals.

Best to take her with a grain of 11 secret herbs and spices.

consume

The best joke I heard in 6 moths.

And continually eating off your plate Sandra.

I don't eat pork or beef, but I got hella drunk in Nashville last year and woke up with 15 empty white castle boxes around me.

AriannaTsikitas

ScottPowell11

She liked whole cock

euanken

the solution for this is easy: a breathalyzer lock on the chicken coop.

Interviewer to NFL legend Art Donovan: 'When is the last time you ate a vegetable?' Art: 'I had a chicken sandwich last week.'

*spits out feather* “oh my god Jessica last night was crazy.”

So much for the tolerant left

... interesting choice of article to put out today if all days

That last line... 🤢

🤣🤣😂😂

ShefVaidya

Let me be the chicken please

Did y’all get a hold on the NYT twitter account earlier?

when that inner jaw comes out, all the chickens are scurred

Thanks for that.

Lol

Fascinating. We have bars that serve live chickens.

Drunk and can’t think of anything better? She deserves feathers stuck in her throat.

I thought I could trust them

Damn werepollovegetarians. You can only kill them by putting colloidal silver in their Beyond Burgers.

Raw (2016)

Well, maybe not the killing part, but I'm sure that there are vegetarians that 'let loose' when drunk. I don't eat meat from warmblooded animals for ethical/mental reasons, but if someone has other, more trendy reasons? We do tend to do stuff when drunk

Social carnivores

Vegetarian boy really likes brocolli, peanuts, and hurting people's feelings.

At least I'm not alone

...and despite being 'not bad' she stinks of cheap imported cigarettes... and has never washed her jeans...

Faux_Denim

classy

Don't cluck at her about it.

cc RobledoGerard

Cattle are next

You guys are so filthy

Raw?

euankennedy01

I've seen strait men do the same thing when it comes to eating 'meat' after a couple of drinks ;)

As long as you dip it in some bbq sauce first.

Wow this could be an all timer by you guys.

You surely mean vegan.

🤣

Fun fact: if you are a vegetarian, don't eat figs. Because they contain dead wasps. Actually don't do it even if you are regular human

Her tummy feels so bad the next morning...The toxins

Chick fill ale.

PretentiousChik m00d

hungry hungry hypocrite!

so many cock and gobble jokes, but perhaps later

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