Shy Brothers In Affluent Suburb Already Feeling Pressure To Become Auteur Filmmakers

📆 2/28/2021 2:25 PM
📰 TheOnion

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DOVER, MA—Confessing that they’d been destined to become show-business darlings since they were born into a wealthy family, shy brothers Mark and Anthony Weber told reporters Tuesday they were already feeling pressure to become auteur filmmakers. “Growing up as introverted, soft-spoken siblings with a keen eye for minutiae in an affluent suburb, there’s a certain expectation that you’re going to grow up, get BFAs from Tisch, and then win a Grand Jury Prize at Sundance,” said Mark, adding that people often assumed the brothers had used their elementary school years to brainstorm the funny-yet-disturbing arthouse classic that would catapult them to mainstream fame. “Yes, we’re eccentric and spend our days running around with cameras filming vignettes featuring our parents, but we don’t even know which one of us is going to be the writer or the director yet. Between figuring out our writing process, our vibe, and the well-connected Hollywood family friend that will pluck us from obscurity, there’s just so much to figure out before we have to create our own Uncut Gems and send it to festivals by the time we turn 18.” Mark added that the pressure to become an auteur filmmaker had only been exacerbated by the fact that their cousin had recently been accepted into the Berklee College of Music and preemptively offered to score their first short.\n

business darlings since they were born into a wealthy family, shy brothers Mark and Anthony Weber told reporters Tuesday they were already feeling pressure to become auteur filmmakers. “Growing up as introverted, soft-spoken

siblings with a keen eye for minutiae in an affluent suburb, there’s a certain expectation that you’re going to grow up, get BFAs from Tisch, and then win a Grize at Sundance,” said Mark, adding that people often assumed the brothers had used their elementary school years to brainstorm the funny-yet-disturbing arthouse classic that would catapult them to mainstream fame.

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TheAnnaGat ClassicMinority

As long as you don’t look directly at them,funnel all questions through their personal assistant and never have to be in the same room as the underlings.

looklady

Here they are 35 years from now

Hayden and Conrad

And if that doesn't work out, they can just live at their mom's place until they're 33.

With their look I was thinking gangsta rap. Laying sick beats about surviving life in the upper middle class life.

The tragedy of mediocre white men continues to plague this once great nation.

And have a reason to ask for the latest smart phones.

Shy Brothers Get Big Break With Candid Documentary About Meetings Of Suburban Swinger Group At Mrs. Farnsworth's Next Door

But will the porn industry accept them?

Hopefully I won't hear 'Whitowsky brothers are Whitowsky sisters now' in 2021 yet...

Criterion 😆

They’ll fail their way upwards, too.

VachadraPista

Russo_Brothers shots fired!!

bruh u made this exact post like a month ago

You forgot “white” before brothers. ;)

The accuracy tho!!

Thought for sure this was gonna end with 'mass shooters.'

Daft Punk without their helmets

They are frauds until the attack the local Latte shop to protest for BLM showing their Albino outrage.

Lol

I thought The Onion was supposed to be satire! 😂😂😂

perhapsfrances

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