Human İnterest, Unsponsored, Love, Vol 47 Issue 49

Human İnterest, Unsponsored

Shitty Graffiti Artist Captures 19-Year-Old Girl's Heart

'He's Also A Terrible DJ!' Teen Squeals

9/16/2021 5:00:00 AM

Shitty Graffiti Artist Captures 19-Year-Old Girl's Heart

'He's Also A Terrible DJ!' Teen Squeals

After Zane spoke at length about the overpriced street-fashion clothing line his friend and fellow shitty graffiti artist Acid Flexx had started, he reportedly walked the enraptured Tisselo to a nearby disgusting alleyway to see some of his work, which included several pathetic attempts at a shadowed version of his tag, and what Tisselo described as "something that probably started out as a boom box, but became a crappy-looking UFO."

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However, it wasn't until he invited her to come watch him do a painfully long and boring DJ set the following week at a party in an abandoned warehouse that Tisselo knew she and Zane were meant for each other.Advertisement"It was magical; every song he played was worse than the one that came before it," she said, recalling how turned on she was that anyone would have paid to subject themselves to such an excruciating performance by a person calling himself DJ KillCandy. "Just seeing him up there wearing a winter hat in the middle of July with one earphone stupidly draped over his ear, I could totally feel myself falling for him."

"Later that night he showed me these embarrassingly lame break-dancing moves," she continued. "That was when I knew I was in love."AdvertisementIn addition to being bowled over by his lack of talent as a graffiti artist and DJ, Tisselo said she was also smitten by how spectacularly bad Zane's photography was.

"For my birthday this year, Adam framed one of his black-and-white shots of a dirty supermarket loading dock, which was so sweet, because I could just imagine all the asinine thoughts going through his head while he was taking it," said Tisselo, noting that Zane probably thought his image of a tipped-over garbage can was unique and brilliant. "Any retarded hack with a $10 disposable camera could have taken that photo, and I'm going to cherish the cheap, thoughtless, and incredibly self-involved gift for the rest of my life."

AdvertisementRecently the relationship has become serious enough for Tisselo to bring Zane home to meet her parents, whose opinion of the unemployed 24-year-old, while extremely low to begin with, reportedly continues to decline."We were all sitting around the dinner table the other night, and apropos of nothing, Adam launched into a story about how he and some of his shitty artist friends went sticker-bombing on some city buses," a blushing and smiling Tisselo said. "From the looks on their faces I could tell my mom and dad thought he was a huge idiot, and I have to agree, they are 100 percent right."

Read more: The Onion »

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'Everything about his art is just so fascinating—from his sloppy stencil work, to his total lack of compositional understanding, to the places where he paints, which are completely obscured from view because he's a huge coward and is terrified of getting caught.' 😂😂😂 Well, he is kind of cute when his neck tattoos are covered.

Solid article, but maybe do a re-write on this one line? It hasn't aged well. 'hey, gurl... i heard you like blue and red Wildstyle...' Another story about Banksy. Sad. Ppl fall in love all the time ?! Why is this news ?! Honestly you post the most mundane stories idk how you have over a million followers

love is a fickle thing... ;) Gah? I love this headline

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