Vol 56 Issue 22, Nancy Pelosi, Politics

Vol 56 Issue 22, Nancy Pelosi

‘She Needs A Bible Now, Fuckwad—Yes, It’s For An Epic Clapback!’ Yells Panicked Pelosi Aide Into Phone

‘She Needs A Bible Now, Fuckwad—Yes, It’s For An Epic Clapback!’ Yells Panicked Pelosi Aide Into Phone

6/2/2020 11:29:00 PM

‘She Needs A Bible Now, Fuckwad—Yes, It’s For An Epic Clapback!’ Yells Panicked Pelosi Aide Into Phone

WASHINGTON—Following reports that Donald Trump sprayed tear gas at protestors and members of the clergy before a photo-op at St. John’s Church, a panicked aide to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi reportedly picked up the phone Tuesday and yelled “she needs a Bible now, fuckwad—yes, it’s for an epic clapback.” “Look, I don’t care how you get it, but get it now, because the clapback queen needed a photo of her in a pink pantsuit, reading a bible on Twitter, Facebook, and the front page of CNN five fucking minutes ago,” said the hoarse, screaming aide, who then added that if she didn’t see a holy text within the next 10 minutes, “your ass will never work in Washington, D.C. again.” “Listen, you little bitch, I don’t care if it’s the middle of a global pandemic, and I don’t give a shit if every bookstore is closed—this is the voice of a generation, so you will rob a fucking church if you have to, do you understand? This is going to be a fucking epic-Trump-takedown-iconic-girlpower-slam. Now hurry the fuck up. Before I end you.” At press time, the aide had slammed down the phone only to pick it up 30 seconds later and yell, “Oh yeah, and refill the Jeni’s ice cream in the fridge, or I’ll rip off your head and feed it to her fucking dog.”

Read more: The Onion »

SpeakerPelosi Onion goes left Everyone: Ahah funny Onion goes a little more left Everyone: SpeakerPelosi Quit bitching people. Satire doesn’t pick sides. SpeakerPelosi WHY USE PROFANITY=IT GETS YOU KNOW WHERE ONLY FOLLOWING THE DEVILS VOCABULARY A FACT. NANCY PELOSI IS A LOISER A FRAUD NO CHRISTRAIN ONLY A FOLLOWER UNER THE DEVIL A FACT. SHE GIVE WOMAN A BAD NAME SHAME ON HER. THEE LIVING LAMB OF GOD JESUS CHRIST IS JUDGING HER A FACT.

SpeakerPelosi That is really not at all funny. Pathetic attempt at humour. If you are going to joke about this crisis then make it good, try not to be a joke. SpeakerPelosi I used to love The Onion, even had some of their printed papers but Janet Jackson knew and she should have taken them out. “No you can’t make fun of our authoritarian and war mongering members, you have to own blumpf!!!”

jett_jessJR SpeakerPelosi I am not too familiar with The Onion, so I don't quite get it ~ Are these the actual words of the Pelosi aide? ~ And if not, why are they speaking it as truth? ~ SpeakerPelosi Bernie will never be president. SpeakerPelosi Haha, toss that hoe SpeakerPelosi God I love when The Onion's replies are full of angry white liberals

SpeakerPelosi The Onion has been sounding like it's being written by the same angry, bitter Bernie supporter for a while now huh swin24 SpeakerPelosi The Onion is run by butthurt Berners. HonestBiden2020 SpeakerPelosi jessclickener lol SpeakerPelosi I love Veep SpeakerPelosi 😂😂😂😂 PandasAndVidya SpeakerPelosi Onion taking shots at Democrats, I never thought I'd see the day.

SpeakerPelosi 🤣 if it didn't make me so 🤬at Pelosi's futile performance theatre. 'This is going to be a fucking epic-Trump-takedown-iconic-girlpower-slam. Now hurry the fuck up. Before I end you.' SpeakerPelosi Pelosi showed Trump, holding an authentic bible right-side-up . . . instead of a hollowed-out one filled with Epstein's thumb drives.

SpeakerPelosi Libs are mad because they think pelosi actually opposes trump lmao SpeakerPelosi I find it hilarious how democrats are moaning about a satire pubication making fun of politicians SpeakerPelosi I'm still waiting for the funny part SpeakerPelosi You're just mad that Trump is making you irrelevant. How about fighting WITH us instead of AGAINST us? You seriously want to stay irrelevant?

SpeakerPelosi 🤣🤣👍 SpeakerPelosi Notice how nobody who's mad in the comments can name a way that Nancy Pelosi's Bible stunt has helped to fight police brutality? SpeakerPelosi Did Walker Bragman take over your account? I’m old enough to remember when The Onion was funny and smart. SpeakerPelosi How white do you have to be?

SpeakerPelosi Hey dudes with the full time job bitter Bernie shitposting: Have you considered trying comedy again? SpeakerPelosi This slaps. SpeakerPelosi This B1tch has been in DC 34 years!!Just now looking ? Wake up blacklifematters you’re problems &solutions won’t come from grizzled leaders who only wake up with lip service when it’s in their interest. Supporting and making the system holding u down.

SonnyBunch SpeakerPelosi Why are people mad at this one SpeakerPelosi Reductress is eating y’alls lunch without even trying. SpeakerPelosi You guys sure hate the ladies. Sorry it's such a tough job making it funny. SpeakerPelosi SpeakerPelosi What, is she gonna rip Trump’s Bible? SpeakerPelosi The Onion sucks.

SpeakerPelosi Almost thought this was a TheBabylonBee post. SpeakerPelosi The same libs who were laughing at the Onion's posts like 24 hours ago are crying about this one. Is that the marker for what truly good satire is? Not helping. Either sort yourselves out or STFU. SpeakerPelosi Satire is dead. This is just a summary of what actually happened.

SpeakerPelosi Spanfeller comedy at its best SpeakerPelosi All out of ice cream and freezer jokes, are ya. SpeakerPelosi We get it: you're white. SpeakerPelosi We need substantive, meaningful action, not cheap political theater. I'm sure your white, male, bearded, affluent staff all thought this was funny

SpeakerPelosi SpeakerPelosi missed the mark on this one SpeakerPelosi The onion continues to burrow into more and more obscure leftist referencea SpeakerPelosi 1 SpeakerPelosi Pretty big fail on this one SpeakerPelosi Pelosi already has a bible. She doesn't have to tear gas priests to hold one. SpeakerPelosi You're on fire today!!

SpeakerPelosi Satire is dead. SpeakerPelosi What a shock, the onion hates democrats SpeakerPelosi this isnt satire. this happened what the fuck SpeakerPelosi Jesus I love this SpeakerPelosi SpeakerPelosi An actually funny Onion headline! I feel like I spotted a unicorn... SpeakerPelosi This isn’t satire

Pelosi ignores Trump’s protest tweets, says she won’t ‘take his bait’House Speaker Nancy Pelosi , D-Calif., said she is not paying attention to President Donald Trump's inflammatory tweets about protests in the wake of George Floyd's death in police custody, suggesting that the president is contributing to the discord and creating a distraction with his social Too late. Pelosi jumped into the sty. Look who's on suicidal watch real leaders lead & this WH. Needs to go ASAP November 3rd. 2020 - 2021 Biden46 HuffPost ..and SpeakerPelosi won't denounce the burning and looting of our neighborhoods.

Peaceful Protesters Gassed So Trump Can Do a Sacrilegious Bible Photo-OpAmid another night of nationwide unrest, Trump used both tear-gassed protesters and the Bible as props for his reelection campaign, writes ed_kilgore ed_kilgore Nymag stop stoking the 🔥 ed_kilgore fake news. ed_kilgore Twitter Fact Check

'Revolting': Trump Gets Holy Hell On Twitter For Using Bible As Photo-Op PropPolice used tear gas and rubber bullets to disperse peaceful protesters so the president could have his picture taken at a church. Someone should tell him it opens from the other side.

'Revolting': Trump Gets Holy Hell On Twitter For Using Bible As Photo-Op PropPolice used tear gas and rubber bullets to disperse peaceful protesters so the president could have his picture taken at a church. No tear gas is what I’ve heard. This story is a lie. Pretty much sums up your whole organization.

The Inconceivable Strangeness of Trump’s Bible Photo OpStill photography doesn’t even do it justice. Well, we know he doesn't read, so he can't have read it. Ask him if he has a favorite book or person in the bible. My guess is he won't know a person to name. Then again, I wouldn't take his word on anything he said, since he's a conman.

Episcopal bishop 'deeply offended' by Trump using Bible, church as a 'prop'Bishop Budde comments on President Trump's visit: 'He was proceeded by a violent clearing of non-violent protesters to make his way and he was using our church as a backdrop and the bible as a prop in ways that I found to be deeply offensive.' God is available to ALL. And he a rapist Trump has no shsme!