Sex Experts Reveal 6 Sexy Ways to Ask for What You Want in Bed

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How to Talk About Sex With Your Partner—Including Asking for What You Want in Bed

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the written word, think about writing the written word. “Leave a post-it note where your partner will see when you’re not around—maybe on the bathroom mirror, in their lunch, or on their steering wheel,” says Dr. Allison. “This turns it into a fun little game and helps lean into the suspense and desire.” If you want something that feels a bit more intimate or romantic, try writing a note in a card.

Exploring your sexuality with your partner and learning what you want and how to ask for it can pave the way for enormous growth both personally and for your relationship, says Pincus. “I've seen people make tremendous strides in their own journey just by being able to explore what's pleasurable for them,” Pincus notes. “Too often, we tend to focus on the same things in sex, but broadening the definition of intimacy is important.

By getting comfortable with conversations about what you want in the bedroom, you may also pave the way to prioritizing other individual needs as well. “When you create a safe space for your wants in the bedroom to be entertained, you're also creating a safe space for your partners' wants to be considered too.” After all, they point out, “Sex between two or more people is meant to be collaborative.

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