People were ready to be able to let go of their secrets.
You go into it thinking, “Oh, it’s going to be a cure.” But what is cure? It did what he said. It’s just a period of acceptance that I’m changed. And that’s fine; I’m lucky. It’s softened my edges, and the neurological damage I have, it’s been a gift because it’s really softened me and created a lot more compassion for myself and others. Which is always useful.You say in the movie that your symptoms got much worse after your son Arthur was born.
I thought, “Oh, I’m a head case.” When I moved to L.A., I remember going to a doctor for it, and he didn’t give me an MRI, didn’t give me anything, but looked at me and was like, “Are you just wanting pain meds?” Because I was like, “Librium helped the last time.” I’ve never been addicted to pain meds, never wanted it, but just even asking for Librium, he just assumed I was looking for drugs.
You made it, you’re here. This is a gratitude thing, and it doesn’t mean you’re going to always be comfortable.We were at a women in Hollywood lunch, maybe 2002 or something. And she just came up to me in her way, with Bruce Wagner. “I’m having a party! You’re so cute! Come, it’s my birthday! You’re sober, I’m sober.” And she was just a breath of fresh air, because I had hung out with everyone younger — I’m much older than people thought I was.
But she wasn’t, it was cancer and she was brave and wonderful. Like so many people, I couldn’t be there to make her beautiful for when the coroner came. That was my greatest feeling of failure as a daughter. To protect her from any judgment.She was home, she wasn’t feeling well, and she was coughing. She took a nap. Her caretakers called my sister Mimi and said, “I think your mom is gone.” Yeah, it’s a grief for me.It does. I’m a loner though.
I mean, even the movies that I did that were shlock, that I was even terrible in — I realized I really need people to elevate me. I’m not going to play the girl next door; I’m going to suck. I need to grab onto something more tangible and maybe off-putting. I didn’t have access to people that weren’t uncomfortable. I didn’t even know it in my skin.
Praise the Lord she was healed!
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