Savage Love: Where Are All the Gay FinDoms?

I’m a gay man in his forties. I very much love my husband but two years ago we acknowledged that our desire for each other sexually just wasn’t there anymore. Thanks in part to reading your column for many years, we were able to have a calm conversation about whether we wanted to remain together in a companionate marriage or split up. We decided to stay together and I’m glad we did. Sex was the thing we fought about most, and our relationship improved when we took that conflict off the table.

Most male FinDoms go to such great lengths to emphasize how straight they are that AJ sometimes wonders. “There are no male Doms I’ve seen draining cisgender women,” said Master AJ. “So, if these guys really are straight, they would have to stumble on the gay FinDom scene or have the idea to start targeting a community they weren’t a part of in order to establish themselves.

Just as straight gay-for-pay porn stars managed to get off doing gay porn, there are straight male FinDoms getting off on what they do. “I know I enjoy draining cash from men I find unattractive,” said AJ. “Being dominant turns me on even if I’m not into the person. So, there could be straight male FinDoms out there who get some sort of sexual satisfaction from draining gay men but are still straight.

“I’ve had a good experience with this,” said AJ, “it’s been both profitable and enjoyable and I’ve made great connections with so many people, including other gay Doms. I’ve always really liked talking to other gay men—whether they are submissive and into FinDom or not or just intrigued by my profile.”

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