Report: Airlines Installing Uncomfortable Bumps In Seatbacks Because It Pleases Them

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NEW YORK—According to sources throughout the commercial aviation sector, the nation’s airlines will begin installing awkwardly placed bumps in every airplane seatback this week because it reportedly brings great pleasure to them. “Over the next four to six months, across our entire fleet, we’ll be rolling out seats with an irritating array of lumps and ridges to painfully jab our customers in the back, and we couldn’t be more delighted about it,” said United Airlines CEO Jeff Smisek, speaking on behalf of all international, regional, and low-cost carriers, every one of whom admitted to deriving immense joy from watching their passengers squirm and search in vain for a tolerable position. “Let me make clear that these seats will be incredibly uncomfortable, and there is nothing more gratifying than making the experience of simply sitting during one’s flight an excruciating ordeal.” Smisek noted that for an additional fee, customers would be allowed to purchase seats with only a single, pointed protrusion in the lower back.

 

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I’m horrified

One day, we'll strap ourselves to our board of nails and wonder how things got so bad.

Bumps In Seatbacks Add To The Experience. Good Times.

This is probably real news!

Would never have known. Never had the money to fly before. Only plane I've ever been in was a small crop plane. Even then that was when I was like 6 so I hardly remember it.

Sadism is transportation business's favourite virtue.

For a mere $30 each way, you could get upgraded to a seat without bumps. The airlines will tell you that they’re empowering people to decide for themselves what they want.

Hey itschekkers you missed this one!

jonostrower Ribbed for your pleasure

Shhh, you’re giving United ideas.

'Whaddaya gonna do about it, drive to Cleaveland?' Laughed Spirit Airlines CEO

Tickets to increase by 10% to cover costs

I heard that they’re also re-designing the overhead cabinets to make them 1 “ less than the standard carryon to make the boarding process less efficient

'Kicking child resistant padding' you mean

I'm not going to like this because it's pleasing me.

I knew it.

♪ because we're delta airlines... ♪

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