In situations or relationships with any kind of difficulty – tension, feeling hurt, conflicts, mismatches of wants, the usual crud – it’s natural to focus on what others have done that’s problematic.
But there is also a cost: fixating on the harms done by others revved up your case about them , with all the stresses and hard feelings that this brings. Plus it makes it harder to see the good qualities in those you have issues with, the influence of additional factors – and whatever might be your own part in the matter.
And still we usually have little influence over other people. Yes, we do what we can about what’s “out there,” but “in here” there are many more opportunities for managing our reactions and for becoming more skillful in life.
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