Q: “I am trying to overcome my hoarding behaviors and extreme ADHD. I can help others, but I’m bad at helping myself. I’m recently divorced after 36 years, my artist mother just died, and I’ve moved to a condo from my big house. My new place is a wreck, and I am paying for four 10′ x 10′ storage units containing so much stuff, including a huge number of my parents’ photo albums. Help!” —I applaud you for knowing that you are ready to start and that you need help to do so.
behaviors, and I understand all too well the frustration, pain, and shame that comes with hoarding as well as the inability to work through it on your own.You have experienced some major trauma in your life – your divorce, your mom’s death, even downsizing to a new home. Those experiences take their toll and need to be worked through.This is my gentle reminder to you that this will not be a quick fix.
Since I don’t know all the circumstances – are there additional emotional triggers that led to the hoarding behavior? How long has this behavior been going on? What do you hoard? Even the level of hoard – I’m going to focus on the best way for you to approach this process.
So to get you started, try making a list of all your possessions by category. Books, photo albums, clothing, and so on. Then give each of those categories a number from one to ten. If old magazines, cookbooks, and toys are a “one,” then start by eliminating those items first. Beginning with items that don’t fill you with emotion or anxiety is a wonderful way to start the process. It allows you to build that “detachment” muscle as you move toward items that will be harder.
Next, write down these goals in a notebook. By defining the goals and writing them down, you will eliminate the internal back-and-forth dialogue and give yourself a solid goal to work toward. What does that look like? Say you are struggling to make a decision to get rid of an item in your home. You can refer back to your goals by asking, “How is keeping this… going to further my goal of…?” I would also suggest writing down any decisions you make.
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