Pope, Catholic Church, Vatican, Pope Francis, Religion, Vol 56 Issue 35, Drugs

Pope, Catholic Church

Pope Maintains Divine Buzz By Microdosing Eucharist Throughout Day

Pope Maintains Divine Buzz By Microdosing Eucharist Throughout Day

10/18/2020 3:44:00 AM

Pope Maintains Divine Buzz By Microdosing Eucharist Throughout Day

VATICAN CITY—Revealing that the practice helped him reach a state of sanctifying grace, Pope Francis confirmed Friday that he maintains a divine buzz by microdosing the Holy Eucharist throughout the day. “I’ve started to feel way more connected to the Heavenly Father ever since I started consuming a few crumbs of communion wafer every few hours,” said the pontiff, explaining how taking a 10-microgram dose of diluted liquid Holy Supper on regular intervals has made it much easier to compose epistles, lead his flock, and serve as a witness to his faith. “I figured I’d try it out after hearing how a bunch of high-powered, successful clergy members did it, and it’s been great. Ingesting small amounts of consecrated substances have worked wonders for my piousness. I mean, just yesterday I blessed, like, 500 parishioners and I wasn’t tired at all.” At press time, a completely nude Pope Francis, who had accidentally taken too much Eucharist, stormed into a meeting of cardinals screaming about demons crawling under his skin.\n

oly Eucharist throughout the day. “I’ve started to feel way more connected to the Heavenly Father ever since I started consuming a few crumbs of communion wafer every few hours,” said the pontiff, explaining how taking a 10-microgram dose of diluted liquid Holy Supper on regular intervals has made it much easier to compose epistles, lead his flock, and serve as a witness to his faith. “I figured I’d try it out after hearing how a bunch of high-powered, successful clergy members did it, and it’s been great. Ingesting small amounts of consecrated substances have worked wonders for my piousness.

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I mean, just yesterday I blessed,like,500 parishioners and I wasn’t tired at all.” At press time, a completely nude Pope Francis, who had accidentally taken too much Eucharist, stormed into a meeting of cardinals screaming about demons crawling under his skin.

Read more: The Onion »

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🤣 Here's one for you. What is a huge pimple on the ass of the planet Earth that you just can't seem to get rid of? Right!! The Poop and his sycophant followers!! HypocriteRdr The Pope? And still not a word about Hunter Biden. So edgy. NuclearAnthro smokin' pope Dude needs to brush his damn teeth It holds back the urge to play with a small penis.

Zach_Dilli PJTHEPYJAMAKID Sorry, the pope is a total smack hound. SugarKovalczyk Just take some choline with it so The Holy Spirit doesn’t give you a headache. He has some sick beats If microdosing the eucharist gives me a divine buzz, BRING IT PAPA PANCHO!!! Where do we start? 😂😂😂 Hahah The BodyOfChrist™️ hits different bros.

OntoloPillar One drop rule Catholic here. This is funny. gotta be careful with edibles, he might think he's microdosing then in a couple hours - boom, you're talking to god melpeevs I used to snort my microdose of eucharist. But now, I've moved on to small does of stout aged in bourbon barrels made from the real cross.

Isn’t the Onion like the left wing version of TheBabylonBee ? That’s why Tennessee Jed and Fire on the Mountain was played over the loudspeaker at the Vatican? Makes sense now Notice, he resembles Senate Majority Leader McConnell. i'd lick his teeth if they were laced with mdma/lsd. no handjob or whatever.-

Not funny Ditto Hilarious How is this funny to you? Inane. Pitiful. Stonerriffic

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