Police Chief Vows To Take Concrete Steps To Better Cover Up Violence

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LOS ANGELES—Promising swift action that would bring about much-needed change to the department, Los Angeles Police chief Michel Moore vowed Friday to take concrete steps to better cover up violence. “We’ve been as disturbed as anybody else that these videos are coming to light, and we’re taking immediate measures to make sure these recordings never happen again,” said Moore, who noted the department would begin confiscating cell phones and allocating more resources toward targeting journalists and photographers, ensuring this unacceptable behavior would no longer be witnessed. “Allowing these incidents of police brutality to be filmed is a huge oversight on our part, and we pledge to do everything in our power to curb their dissemination. All officers will be required to take a 12-hour training program teaching them to recognize, target, and neutralize cameras. We want the community to know the Los Angeles Police are fully committed to serving and protecting our best interests.” At press time, Moore added the LAPD was working with the mayor’s office to make the proper budget increases necessary to implement the new changes.

LOS ANGELES—Promising swift action that would bring about much-needed change to the department, Los Angeles Phief Michel Moore vowed Friday to take concrete steps to better cover up violence. “We’ve been as disturbed as anybody else that these videos are coming to

light, and we’re taking immediate measures to make sure these recordings never happen again,” said Moore, who noted the department would begin confiscating cell phones and allocating more resources toward targeting journalists and photographers, ensuring this unacceptable behavior would no longer be witnessed. “Allowing these incidents of police brutality to be filmed is a huge oversight on our part, and we pledge to do everything in our power to curb their dissemination.

 

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Without concrete steps, will he have a wheelchair ramp instead?

WELP.

50linesonly I truly believed this for a sec and I wasn’t even surprised

Why isn't this guy in Washington working in the White House?

I bet if you posted this on one of the Right Wing sites they would believe it to be true

Cover up the violence, am I the only one reading this like they are not doing anything

Artsymarxist Class !

A group of police officers were heard yelling 'It's not you, it's me, baby' while beating down a black woman.

greg_doucette Honestly, if it didn't say the onion I woulda believed it lol

MajJackDowning at least some effort is being expelled

ProducerCody Over here in the UK concrete steps have played a significant role in covering up police violence. So many detainees have accidentally tripped on them.

I know this is the Onion...and it's supposed to be satire...but this might be a little too truthful

Also don't forget to gas the fukers and say it was smoke bombs. Assad would be proud!

Wow! LOL

Thought this was legit for a sec

Paging Seattle

Popehat This would be funny if it were not true.

Popehat It always takes so fucking long for them to do the right thing!

Popehat I wish this was satire.

willwilkinson Now with more kneeling!

This is why ALL cops must be brought to trial! 📢american📢nuremberg📢trials!!!!

Onion please, I know it’s satire but it’s just salt in the country’s wound rn. Again, PLEASE, just no...

Go back to parody!

Oh it's not just my city then

Body cams that only show the cartoons.

🤣

In Democrats states.

Evidence hides well in concrete.

I'm sorry, at this point I cant tell if this is real or satire.

I bit the onion HARD for a few seconds on this one. I don’t envy anyone who has yo do satire today.

😀😃😄😁😆😅😂🤣

Finally, we're getting change

clinkorz It's a sad state in today's world when I thought this was legitimate for a second.

w t f

If nothing else, you can't say the next new episose of Cops™ won't be interesting

barrett Ugh. Too real.

Wait, I thought The Onion was supposed to be satire

Thought this was supposed to be satire...

When did you guys start reporting news? Thought you were parody...

PoliceBrutalityPandemic

The Onion's so on point. Loved the interview you folks did too:

regrets to inform its readers that, due to recent events, it will not be returning to satire for the foreseeable future

when the onion no longer sounds like satire

If I ever see another VERY ORIGINAL 'I thought Onion was satire'-joke, I'm going to sit on a fast-growing bamboo and impale myself.

Like, I know it's The Onion, but I would not be surprised to see this headline on an actual news site😥

darth Turns out the one news organization really sticking to the 'we report, you decide' principle consistently is the Onion...

2020 is so fucked up The Onion does not need to be creative with new jokes or satire/parody the news. It just needs to report reality as it is.

Concrete- walkway

Get body cams that 'malfunction' a lot.

darth Working hand-in-hand with politicians his police union pays for.

Stop reporting the news, you’re supposed to be satire 😂

UnrigLA Too soon. BuffaloPD

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