Pfizer, Business, Drugs, Vol 55 Issue 33

Pfizer, Business

Pfizer Announces New Antidote For Slow-Acting Poison Currently Coursing Through Bodies Of Millions Of Americans

Pfizer Announces New Antidote For Slow-Acting Poison Currently Coursing Through Bodies Of Millions Of Americans

13.8.2019

Pfizer Announces New Antidote For Slow-Acting Poison Currently Coursing Through Bodies Of Millions Of Americans

NEW YORK—Stressing that time is of the essence and that every heartbeat brings the nation closer to excruciating toxic death, pharmaceutical company Pfizer announced the discovery of an antidote Tuesday for the slow-acting poison currently coursing through the bodies of millions of Americans. “We at Pfizer are now proud to declare that our fast-acting antidote, a single dose of which will cost the affected sufferer only $5,000, will completely neutralize the potent neurotoxin that, as we speak, courses through the veins of 300 million Americans,” said spokesperson Curtis Tenney, noting that the specially formulated serum was the first and only known counter to the poison, which will eventually cause most of the nation to suffer from bleeding of the eyes, cerebral hemorrhaging, rapid foaming at the mouth, total musculature spasm, and eventual death. “While we acknowledge that it’s a shame, the way almost every American unwittingly consumed the poison that somehow made its way into public water systems, Pfizer ’s new antidote will help put an end to the upcoming national health crisis and prevent massive death tolls. And you even have 48 hours to secure a prescription. Good luck. All major credit cards are accepted.” At press time, Pfizer developed a new over-the-counter drug to help wean people off the highly addictive antidote.

Read more: The Onion
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Sugar? alright everyone we gotta go back to the old days of using blood loss to cure ourselves i am prepared Yeah sounds on brand, lord knows if big pharma actually did pull this sorta move, they'd bleed your wallet dry while their at it for good measure and make it so you couldn't ever stop taking the antidote.

Don't believe it. They would never make a one dose antidote. Monsanto sues for patent infringement Sounds about right these days.... Finally, something to fill the void in my soul. No thanks, I'm good. DrPhalanx Its only a matter of time before this isn’t satire. and the side effects of that antidote are only as bad as the slow acting poison currently coursing through the bodies of millions of americans, so youll be aight.

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Which just cost a gazillion dollars a dose. Good thing I’ve spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder. Exactly and they say capitalism doesnt reward long term planning “If you can’t afford the antidote, Pfizer may be able to help...” Kingsman: the golden circle “Charges $10,000.00 per dose”

Lol Less blood, fewer problems. If you're a red blooded 'murican you're part of the problem. Only blue bloods welcome here, preferably with alabaster skin too (exceptions made for service level positions).

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Finally, news I can use. It's nice to know that some corporations really care. Antidotes are for wimps, I want a faster poison. Possibly a red one with big explosions.

Majority of Americans support allowing Central American refugees into U.S. as Trump aims to restrict legal immigrationAccording to a new Gallup poll, 57 percent of Americans approve of taking in Central American refugees. The gap between the GOP and the American people on the issue of immigration is growing. DON'T TALK ON NEW REFUGEES? Deporting Million Latinos dragging down from homes, jobs,work,Churches, No Mercy, even lives in US decades or half US families? How those Latin Americans seek Refuge by seeing havoc against Latin in US?'Who is Gamer realDonaldTrump or Latin Ruleres?' That’s a lie and you know it. More fake news. You are part of the dramacat propaganda machine. Quit lying and trying to influence us. You think we have a herd mentality. You think we’re stupid. Most Americans want them out. Most Americans don’t want to pay for them. Ur fake news

RS Charts: Drake Posts Huge Numbers to Reclaim Top Spot on Artists 500Toronto MC scored over 200 million song streams after releasing his new compilation, Care Package Drake Out of 500 artists, y’all chose Drake? I mean the brotha is 🥶 but cmon y’all Drake he should be right there!

Trump Administration Weakens Protections for Endangered SpeciesBreaking News: The Trump administration announced plans to significantly weaken the Endangered Species Act, the nation’s bedrock conservation law Elections have consequences 😡😡 It's a distraction. What are they really doing right now? MAGA... back to the 60's. Remember this when you vote in 2020.

What to watch today: Dow to fall, Epstein dies by suicide, and Hong Kong flights canceledWorries about the ongoing trade war and slowing global economic growth continue to weigh on investor sentiment, with futures pointing to a lower open as the new week begins. fights cancel flights And machines have had some early morning 'Fun'. Party in Algoland.

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