Vol 55 Issue 45

Vol 55 Issue 45

Performance Art Thieves Rappel From MoMa Ceiling To Steal Nude Marina Abramović Whipping Self With Flaming Rose

Performance Art Thieves Rappel From MoMa Ceiling To Steal Nude Marina Abramović Whipping Self With Flaming Rose

8.11.2019

Performance Art Thieves Rappel From MoMa Ceiling To Steal Nude Marina Abramović Whipping Self With Flaming Rose

NEW YORK—Revealing that the “criminal masterminds” detonated a series of explosives and then rappelled down from the gallery ceiling, officials confirmed Friday that performance art thieves had broken into the MoMa and stolen a nude Marina Abramović whipping herself with a flaming rose. “After maneuvering past the laser sensor grid and disabling the museum’s central alarm system, these criminals were able to quickly locate and swipe Abramović, who was in the midst of a seven-hour piece where she violently lashed her bare back with a burning red rose,” said MoMa director Glenn D. Lowry, adding that the performance art thieves had cleverly disguised themselves as guards in order to take the famed 72-year-old, as well has her collaborator Ulay, out of the door and into an armored truck. “Based on what we know, these criminals were incredibly coordinated, because they were not only able to steal Abramović, but also replace her with an almost identical impostor, who then proceeded to ask audience members to crucify her on a giant, spiked cross. Sadly, this is the worst performance art heist since Chris Burden was stolen from LACMA after nailing himself to a Volkswagen Beetle.” At press time, Abramović had reportedly been located in a private performance art collection in Sweden, where authorities found her masturbating on a Soviet flag that had been soaked in acid.

Read more: The Onion

Spirit Cooking high priestess. ...SHE'S 72?!?!?! There's a lot to take in here. saucy bags of estrogen. Nice Stopping to beat the burning roses thebigtanner the artist is in. When asked by detectives to estimate the value of the stolen art, the curator replied, 'Um... not much really. We're glad to have the space back.'

that's some low hanging fruit Masturbating to this real quick don't me Marina🤤

Ceiling collapses on theater audience, injuring 5At least 5 people were injured after the ceiling of a theater in the heart of London’s entertainment district collapsed during a performance. Theater? 5 people? Must not have been a good show. ABC supports child rape. Silenceisconsent

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