Parenting Styles: How Positivity and Praise Improve Behavior

. I was tired. Exhausted really. Keeping up with her antics, energy, disorganization, aggression — it wasoverdrive. It was so easy to get annoyed, to yell, to be frustrated. Then I wondered, instead, if I could laugh. It sounds crazy, I know. But try it.

The next time she did something wrong, I greeted it with laughter. Late for school again, forgot her homework, room a mess, won’t go to sleep, won’t sit down to eat — really, none of it is the end of the world. Worse, for me and for her, was the gut-wrenching sense that she was bad and a disappointment. Laughter kept me sane.Imagine you’re at work, and all day long your boss and co-workers point out all the things you are doing wrong. You go home, and your family does the same thing.

If all they ever see are your mistakes, would you give up? Imagine instead, if all day long, they find what you are doing right. And they tell you how wonderful you are. It would feel great. And, it would inspire you to try to be wonderful tomorrow, too. When you praise your child, it creates dopamine — the neurotransmitter his or her brain lacks, which causes the— and the dopamine helps to better control behavior. So he or she can do more wonderful tomorrow.

I spent my daughter’s middle school and teen years undoing the harm my earlier frustration and disappointment wreaked on her by slathering her with unconditional love, humor, and praise. She is 21 now, pre-vet in college, and a funny, kind soul who can advocate and care for herself. I like her a lot. And, thankfully, she likes herself, too.Merriam Sarcia Saunders, LMFT is a psychotherapist specializing in ADHD and author of the children’s book,.

THIS. I wish my daughter had been tested and diagnosed earlier than 9th grade. Back then, the focus was mostly on boys. I was told many times, and believed, that she was just different. So much of her behavior was handled the exact same way. 💔

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