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Over 417,000 Hours Of Private Presidential Conversations Discovered After No One Remembered To Turn Off Richard Nixon’s Tape Recorder

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WASHINGTON—Baffled as to how the potentially disastrous mistake could have gone unnoticed for so many years, White House sources confirmed Friday that roughly 417,225 hours of private presidential conversations were discovered immaculately preserved due to the fact that no one remembered to turn off Richard Nixon’s tape recorder. “Uh oh—it turns out that every single word that has been uttered in the Oval Office since the early 1970s has been perfectly recorded on this hidden device. This could be pretty bad,” said a Trump administration official who wished to remain anonymous, revealing that aides had stumbled upon the tapes earlier this week and, after discovering they contained thousands of clearly recorded conversations over the course of the Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, and Trump presidencies, had been unsure how to proceed in handling a find of such magnitude. “I’m not sure the American public could handle some of the information these tapes contain. There’s key information that could clarify the Iran–Contra scandal, countless conversations about the war in Iraq—there’s even a meeting where George W. Bush and Dick Cheney discuss 9/11 almost a month before it happened. This is going to have huge repercussions.” At press time, sources reported that the panicked aides had, in a botched attempt to delete the recording, accidentally begun to play on a loop the audio of a 1981 Oval Office meeting in which Vice President George H.W. Bush hires John Hinckley Jr. to assassinate president Ronald Reagan.

 

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strngwys LBJ - (head tilt) (shoulder shrug)

The White House released a statement: the Nixon intern responsible has been stripped of his college credit.

Ford: Michigan scored what? Carter: The mountains, Begin, you'll like it Reagan: What's my horoscope today, Nancy Bush: 800 more lights on the tree Clinton: She meant nothing to me Bush: Ahh, ahh Obama: Trump won? Donald Fucking Trump Trump: Putin, about that $350 M I owe you ...

Analysing found data in progress . . . . standby... standby.. standby.. standby.. standby.. standby.. standby.. standby..

...but there’s an 18 year buzz from Reagan into Clinton.

The headshots make it mo funny.

If anyone happens to find video on Bill and Monica...I will file freedom of information act rights on it! The public has the right to see it!

Respectfully, they all look like a bunch of fuks 😆

This made me realize I had no idea what Ford looks like.

silence wouldve been golden

The Onion Over 417,000 Hours Of Private Presidential Conversations Discovered After No One Remembered To Turn Off ◯◯ Recorder Thank you very much.

if only :sigh:

You have no relevance.

🎼here's a story 'bout a man named Dicky....

. 'Now the trick will be finding that tape player the government paid 2 billion dollars for in the 60s, since th recorder and player had to be separate'

“I am not a crook.”

The Brony Bunch

Ok ......,... This is funny

That is funny. Could you imagine if it were true? Good diet!

If only...

Reagan's and trump's would be the most interesting. One lost his mind and the other never had one.

I know that's false because Bush wasn't prosecuted for war crimes.

That's uncompressed reel to reel! Makes digital look weak.

Yay

🤣😂🤣🤪

You had one job.

Nixon strikes back

Proceed the collapse of the west!!

God Trump looks thick.

Where can I buy one of these tapes that holds over 417,000 hours of audio?

DARPA invented some long-ass tapes back in the 70d

Onion is the best as usual

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