Ornithologists Attribute Owls’ Nocturnal Lifestyle To Hard Cocaine Habit
BRUNSWICK, ME—Dispelling commonly held beliefs surrounding their unusual sleep habits, ornithologists at Bowdoin College released a groundbreaking new study Monday that attributed owls’ nocturnal lifestyle to their hard cocaine habit. “The reason owls are so alert at night is because they have a crippling addiction to cocaine, which causes them to stay yipped up into the wee hours before they completely crash at dawn,” said lead researcher Nathaniel Wheelwright, explaining how the species’ darting head movements and dilated pupils were caused by snorting numerous lines over the course of an evening with their owl buddies. “After ripping a bunch of rails in remote tree branches or darkened corners of barns, these tweaked-out birds of prey will stay up all night repeatedly making and remaking their nests. We have also discovered that owls swallow their prey whole because the drug significantly reduces their appetite.” Wheelwright added that bats’ nocturnal lifestyle, on the other hand, could be attributed to their penchant for methamphetamines.Read more: The Onion »
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So, I’m an owl now? Fuck!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha . . . ShammyTV Lmaoooo The owls are not what they seem... No it's definitely video games. That happens when you play 1/2h Pacman a week species that live near trailer parks prefer meth though... ShammyTV Makes sense...😂 In an attempt to find humor in a world gone mad, the Onion is no longer funny. Sorry.
🤣 😂😂😂 They have coke eyes! Genimosma Flying like a boss over the crowd chanting “build the wall! Build the wall!” spacenerd19 Friends of yours? Finally, a theory that makes some sense. This is not true. I'm an owl then 😂😂 : ornithologists. Owls: who?!
DJ Khaled Teases Drake Collaboration: WatchDJ Khaled teased his upcoming collaboration with Drake by posting a video of himself sitting next to a real-life owl, which is the logo for Drake&39;s OVO Sound. Fadga tanked Flops whenever some mentions Drake
Davina McCall's determined to keep this habit up post-lockdownDavina McCall says mindfulness has really helped with lockdown anxiety and she plans to keep it up
All the Celebrity Couples Who've Called It Quits During QuarantineYou’ll be surprised at how many Hollywood couples split while hunkering down together. (via toofab) TooFab during quarantine, this is really when you find if you want to be with someone TooFab Not if you truly love them. Next to God, this is where your comfort should be. TooFab With the lack of work and no income coming in, it has to take its toll..champagne dreams on beer money
All the Celebrity Couples Who've Called It Quits During QuarantineThe 'Barry' actor and 'Hart of Dixie' star called it quits. (via toofab) TooFab That's a Shame Sucks for him TooFab Deep fake news. TooFab Names?
Doing Whatever She Wants: Inside Miley Cyrus' New Sober Lifestyle With Love Cody Simpson - E! OnlineTurns out, she can stop. Not only is Miley Cyrus' newfound sobriety a boon for her career, it's helped cement her nine-month relationship with Cody Simpson. Happy for them wonder if her view has changed on having kids Continue the sober lifestyle😊! You're an amazing singer!