‘Nothing Is More Attractive Than Confidence,’ Says Woman Who Has Apparently Never Seen Sonic The Hedgehog Cosplay
DENVER, CO—Naively insisting that we seek partners with the confidence to be comfortable in their own skin, Denver systems analyst Jennifer Thomas, 32, stated Monday that “nothing is more attractive than confidence,” clearly demonstrating that she has never seen Sonic the Hedgehog cosplay. “Being secure with who you are is really the sexiest thing a person can do,” said Thomas, who has never witnessed an obese, mustachioed Sonic, an orange-cutoff-clad Tails, and a sweat-soaked Knuckles the Echidna enter a convention center to join up with hundreds of Charmy Bees, Espio the Chameleons, and Rouge the Bats who await them for a day chock-full of roleplaying on planet Mobius. “Honestly, I believe it’s about the way you carry yourself. I think it’s apparent that if we first love ourselves, then others [as long as you’ve never seen a tattoo-covered Sonic wage a ham-fisted mock battle with a rotund, middle-aged Dr. Robotnik in order to gain the sixth Chaos Emerald and enter a Comic Con booth labeled ‘Crystal Egg Zone’] will too.” Thomas, who has also evidently never watched a grown man with spiky blue hair and unwashed tights racing around a hotel event suite collecting gold spray-painted hula hoop “rings,” asserted that looks don’t matter.Read more: The Onion »
Trump booed while visiting Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg's casket at Supreme Court
President Donald Trump has moved swiftly to fill Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg's Supreme Court seat and questioned her dying wish.
Painful and oddly attractive at the same time, you'd agree Yeah she will never know I passed on Sonic over a year ago..... *Anatomically Correct Sonic The Hedgehog Cosplay. The Onion finally admits to the world that they're blind and Sonic is the peak of beauty. About time, honestly. Sonic needs to hit the gym
ChrisHerbertVDT Only downside is how fast he finishes. i mean i've never seen anyone more confident or more attractive than sonic the hedgehog so i don't see the contradiction here American society definitely values confidence much more than honesty and self-awareness. How bout now? I thought the Onion was supposed to be satire. Did I do that right?
DougDougFood Why is this article aimed at you? Confidence and Sonic How is this funny Hbomberguy WesBeardtooth FACT
Denise Welch slammed by ex Tim Healy for 'casual sex in bike sheds' commentLoose Women star Denise Welch has faced criticism from her ex-husband Tim Healy for saying that she cheated on him by having 'casual sex in bike sheds'
Heartbroken Jennifer Aniston's gut-wrenching response to Brad Pitt's baby newsJennifer Aniston sobbed 'silent tears' after learning her ex-husband Brad Pitt was having a baby with another woman
Trump's Executive Order On Housing Doesn't Guarantee An Eviction MoratoriumHousing experts say Trump’s executive order to extend an eviction moratorium actually does nothing for struggling Americans. No kidding
Trump's Executive Order On Housing Doesn't Guarantee An Eviction MoratoriumHousing experts say Trump’s executive order to extend an eviction moratorium actually does nothing for struggling Americans. Noooooo.... Trump's EOs are worthless pieces of paper with his name in REALLY big letters.
Joe Biden picks Sen. Kamala Harris to be his vice presidential running mate, making her the first black woman on a major ticketBREAKING: Joe Biden has chosen Sen. Kamala Harris to join him on the Democratic ticket, fulfilling his pledge to select a female running mate and making Harris the first Black person ever tapped as the vice presidential nominee of a major party. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Trump will be reelected! He had absolutely no respect for the left at all I won’t support him in November, I’m in Pennsylvania btw so hate all you want
Kamala Harris Named as Joe Biden’s VP PickBreaking: Joe Biden picked California Sen. Kamala Harris as his running mate. She will be the first Black woman nominated for vice president by a major party. From chaotic California! What example! If Joe gets elected Harris will be the next President of the United Staes .. Very happy, my choice