Half of the footage in today’s singing competitions is of wannabes whose friends never had the guts to tell them they couldn’t sing. Casual onlookers begin to wonder whether those contestants have any friends at all, or if they’re simply surrounded by sycophants who allow such cringe-worthy spectacles to persist.
That’s where I come in. Here are seven pieces of advice that no one else has the guts to tell you to your face, but everyone is thinking it:Listen, there is nothing sacred about your child’s first haircut. Taking scissors to his mane will not start a chain reaction toward puberty wherein he grows a faint mustache and starts studying for the SAT. Chop that rat tail. Please, we’re all begging you. It’s gross and we’re starting to feel guilty for surreptitiously mocking poor Baby Ray Cyrus.
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