‘New York Times’ Announces New Columnist Will Contribute Nothing To Society 3 Times A Week

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The Onion is one of the few newspapers telling the truth in this dying empire.

This is fake because they actually make society worse

Well hold the onion for real if Jason S was a columnist for the NYT or Davram I wld subscribe like they are always begging people to subscribe

i'm old enough to remember when the onion was funny, and relevant, alas...

What I love is that is going just as hard and as frequent at the bigots as they are to the LGBTQ+ community. I am here for it. Protect trans lives.


So just like the rest of them

Wait, what about Maggie?

Where's the doctor?!?!

Fascists run when an Onion goes to war.

Never cease sticking the boot into the NYT so long as the NYT remains a fascist apologist piece of garbage.

The onion causing fucking tsunamis with how much bars and facts they’re spitting today

nytimes Reporting- best in the world Editorials- Garbage, but worse.

Oh my god, whoever's on duty at the onion today is on the goddamn warpath lmao

Glinner congrats on your new position!!! ☺️


2023 and people that follow TheOnion still don't know what 'satire' means.

trappedintheATL Incredible work

I read 'Our Dumb Century' while sitting in a bed after cancer surgery. Better than the drugs. Keep up the fight against bourgeois yellow-journalism like the NYT. ❤️👍

less than nothing*

Whoever y’all got in the kitchen over there, lock them in


I thought they already had Bret Stephens.

That's a bit unfair. They'll contribute the occasional mind numbing propaganda piece

My favorite Onion articles are the ones where it's very obvious the writers fucking snapped and have just begun to call out the shitty practices of others.

The onion is on a roll today

Get their asses!

Y'all beat em by miles

let's fucking gooo

DrMRFrancis 🏆🏆🏆🏆

CandyThomson1 Keep em coming

maplecocaine We like to think of him as a David Brooks 2.0. Half the intellect with twice the charisma

Yes. Please. More.


Get their ass

Is the ref going to step in and give the nyt a chance to get up?


huh. I am old enough to remember when The Onion was satire. I think I even still have a couple of the books...


nytimes This so refreshing to hear. This is the kind of journalistic responsibility that all media outlets should emulate. Bravo Onion!!! Keep up the good work.

nytimes Love this

sullydish nytimes New Woke Times will certainly contribute to spreading fake news.

sullydish nytimes You would know......

nytimes Looking forward to an entire series on the watches of the Biden administration.

nytimes DougJBalloon

nytimes Heehee.


LevineJonathan nytimes Waaaaay too late to get back in the game folks.

nytimes David Brooks, Thomas Friedman, Maureen Dowd, Bret Stephens...

nytimes Psh.. I do that 7 days a week. Maybe I should run for elected office

nytimes But his watch.

redsteeze nytimes Former satire magazines contract with the DNC ends, they try to go back to satire.

nytimes they rehired Bari Weiss?

sullydish nytimes You're just mad they thought of this before you did

nytimes Goddamnit Onion, what would I do without you?

nytimes I mean, I've been contributing nothing to society for years. Shouldn't I have a column too?

sullydish nytimes All the views are shit to print!

nytimes Which is more than their current columnists do..

nytimes I only read the comic strip page in the NYT.. 😏

nytimes Where else will we find meaningful journalism about Joe Biden's watch?

Crisopera1 nytimes Touché.

nytimes DonArturito

nytimes 1:53 AM · 23 янв. 2021 г.· УКРАИНА В СНГ

Where else am I going to find stories about wealthy upper east side couples struggling to find a Montessori pipeline to the ivy league?

nytimes Like being an onion writer

nytimes Congrats!!!! New Columnist Will must be very excited!

nytimes So, Bret Stephens?

nytimes sounds like MarloweAlter at the freep

Dream gig, just write dogshit and get mad at strangers on twitter when they let you know it’s dogshit

nytimes No, Ross Douthat’s been there a while already.

nytimes A lot of people will be happy to hear this.

From FOX News

The Onion New York Times

Do jews ever contribute anything positive to society?

lilpoolish Seems the most logical headline I’ve seen this week tbh.

Oh no, the Bretbug is losing his job as the resident tone-deaf contrarian.

davidsirota I admire you guys so much. That you are able to continue with this much distortion going is a testament to your brilliance. You should win a Pulitzer and a Nobel.

davidsirota The Onion is better at breaking stories then even TMZ or Buzzfeed.

That four less times a week then everyone else.

andevers Sounds like David Brooks just got replaced 👹Zing

coherentstates Onion for President at this point!


Sooo, how’s this one different from the others?

envinyon i thought the onion was supposed to be satire

He’ll fit right in.

But they've already got David Brooks...

Not even parody


IjeomaOluo How will we tell the difference?

onion is cold fucking blooded lately

Good one, but what's the parody?

'Will Contribute Nothing' is the perfect name in that case.

IjeomaOluo bariweiss you got a promotion?

flipyourface So, Thomas Edsall will be writing more?

honestly the most accurate news site lol

They must be a politician.

At least they’re making progress

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New York Times publisher responds to staff outrage over Tom Cotton op-edThe publisher of The New York Times sent a memo to employees on Thursday morning after dozens of staffers publicly revolted over an opinion piece in which Republican Sen. Tom Cotton called for the US military to be deployed to cities across the country during the current protests. The Times editorial page editor made a good journalistic call. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then. Yes, how dare someone be given a platform when sharing an opinion differing from the race baiting identity politics flag waiving of the woke left proflevin It’s deplorable that the nytimes published SenTomCotton ‘s unconstitutional, dictatorial powergrab propaganda. The nytimes helped George W Bush’s re-election in 2004 by sitting on a report of a secret surveillance program for about 1 year...
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New York Times Gets Backlash From Staff Over Tom Cotton Op-EdSeveral New York Times staff members are criticizing an op-ed written by Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton that was published on Wednesday. They argue the piece, titled “Tom Cotton: Send In The Troops… Apparently you can only have Liberal opinions in life NYT used to be respectable. Now tabloids with pics of aliens on the cover seem to have better journalism standards and much more solid sources. I mean it is an op ed section, so it should only run opinions that are all the same? Im actually surprised the nyt published it as well
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New York Times writers condemn decision to run senator's op-ed calling for military mobilizationSen. Tom Cotton used his New York Times op-ed to call for using the Insurrection Act to 'send in the troops' against nationwide civil unrest, prompting backlash from across the newsroom. Chief Keef sister Husband *New* Music Video When has the new York times not shilled for the establishment? Have they ever been against any foreign wars? But none have actually resigned.
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Netflix Exec Exits After Splashy New York Times InterviewFran Tirado, who headed Netflix's brand and editorial strategy for LGBTQ content, exited the streaming giant after an eyebrow-raising interview with the The New York Times. Pregnant Elephant dies after villagers feed her cracker-laden pineapple Wow! I really enjoyed his workweek diary. Sorry to hear this news. nytimes is having a great week.
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