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New Texas Law Requires All Masks Have Word ‘Pussy’ Written Across Front

New Texas Law Requires All Masks Have Word ‘Pussy’ Written Across Front

3/4/2021 12:05:00 AM

New Texas Law Requires All Mask s Have Word ‘ Pussy ’ Written Across Front

AUSTIN, TX—In what he described as an effort to reduce the spread of cowardice in the Lone Star State, Gov. Greg Abbott issued an executive order Wednesday requiring all protective face coverings worn in Texas to have the word “pussy” written across the front in large, boldfaced letters. “If you feel a need to put on a mask to protect your friends, your neighbors, or yourself, that’s your personal choice—all we’re doing is requiring you to identify yourself as a total fucking pussy if you opt to do so,” said Abbott, who also reportedly considered allowing masks with the terms “weakling,” “wuss,” “traitor,” and “degenerate” to be worn, but ultimately decided “pussy” was the most effective term for labeling those who adopt the preventative measure shown to limit spread of a disease that has killed more than 44,000 Texans. “This way we’ll all know who among us is a real Texan, and who is a feeble excuse for a man, so afraid of catching a little Covid that he can’t even show his face to the world. We just want to separate the wheat from the chaff here.” At press time, reports confirmed Texas was already facing a major shortage of pussy mask supplies.

Read more: The Onion »

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shamooooooooo1 Its no wonder Texans have been freezing over🤷🏾‍♂️ bunch of pus*sies! Guess I’m breaking the law. Yo that would be great then I wouldn't have to call everyone a pussy it would just be there Are they allowing optional mask messages for dog lovers? Oh gawd my state is so embarrassing 🤦🏻‍♀️

jaya_ballard Great way to get even less Republicans to wear them. Cause you know their mouth ain’t never been near a pussy. Are we serious!!! I really hope this is a joke 😡 httrhao Absolutely hate that the slang for female body part is equated constantly with weakness and derision. I would step over a thousand maskless bodies in the street to get me one of these!

GeorgeOrwell_US Onion! you already lost the competition to Time and NYT. give up. You are what you eat I can make extra cash by stuffing masks in my undies, keeping them there for a day, and selling them. Win/win Meanwhile in Brazil, they have lifted all mask restrictions and the death rate doubled in two weeks. This is going to clean up the shallow end of the gene pool for sure. 😷

Witness01010100 haha gen plezi ok🙌🏾 🧅 Undefeated Finally. I've been waiting for this Mr. Cruz! Took you long enough, you promised this last spring! Spot on 🤣🤣🤣 Not a bad idea. Because we're still using 'pussy' as a derogatory term and any of y'all are getting any. Joe Biden described the state of Texas political thinking perfectly as Neanderthal thinking...

TBreassealeDHS thank goodness for the onion. Better than the no mask mandates. Fuckers 🤮 😂 It’s good enough for my face it’s good enough for my mask!! now THAT'S comedy 🤣 Wear it proudly!!! silly texas, dat not where pussy is thats the thrussy 😜 And on your forehead? Cnt maybe! Don't wear a mask. Die of Covid. Thats your personal choice 🙃

drop the link The Onion get it's humor back? I'd rather have pussy on my mouth than the virus in my mouth lol Ooooh Let me guess, 'Cancun' was the second choice? 😆 bufetmastermind I love it when Onion broadcasts something that is just a fraction shy of being totally legit! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 Sounds pretty based, ngl.

wakeupangry Women too. Trump will be delighted! wtf?!! idiots! You guys still exist? Wow. It must be humiliating to get usurped as the 'net's best satire site by a bunch of Christian 'dummies'. 😺 You can't spell Texas without sex and this is about all they'll get until lockdown can *safely* end. It's not every day an Onion headline sounds like it could be a Babylon Bee headline.

AutumnCodinha 🤣 J_Fries LOL. Lmao Heads up EmilytheAries1 That is so offensive to those of us who have a pussy Not to take away from the main paint of this picture but the male model here looks cute. What’s his actual name and picture? 😅 KLV1063 🤦🏻 I guess I am what I eat. Store link? Lmao. I mean this honestly wouldn’t be too shocking at this point

NihariFan What if somebody mistaken it for actual pussy and try to put his dick in it, If only.... 👀 bearsaremean I want one so bad. I love you guys but your crazy stories are funnier when they seem so extreme, they couldn’t possibly be true. Lately....I dunno....Texas officials trying to kill people then showing they absolutely don’t give a shit about it....

The onion never lets me down...😂😂😂 The worldwide germophobia is truly ridiculous (and quite damaging). LutherBeckett Why live on paychecks when you can earn $9000 and above weekly on forex and crypto, contact Mrs Amelia iam_ameliafx and WhatsApp +1 (661)794-6889 for these and lots more Lol I’d wear this

Bahaha mannn fuck Texas 🤣🤣 Just gotta let em know what I let on my face besides a mask So thats where all the power went, no further explanation needed. LMAO! I'm down with that! is that so they can eat their word ? ... or LIBERAL Everybody likes pussy Here’s where to order: 1053Rock The use of the word pussy as a negative is offensive, weird, and annoying.

But only until March 9. Well, that explains it. The Onion triggering their fans This should be a real law Now this is the kind of compromise our democratic institutions need beltranlryan HAHAHAHA And when someone walks in without a mask. We yell ' hahahah look at that motherfuckering no pussy having asss'

Does this mean Trump will grabbing my face? RebbeSMZ I know it’s the onion, but it’s still funny 😂 So, tRump will grab them? Thanks for keeping satire alive. It's impressive you've all made it through the past four years. Please keep mining our national tragedies for laughs. But not unironically like Republicans.

New York and California Governors have new official Robes. If you are feeling this, may I suggest this mask from pussyrrriot Pussys rule!!! dbrown13 I heard they're putting it on earplugs, safety glasses, hard hats and other protective gear too. And putting 'BIG COCK' on all the guns. Nice. Also, can we require that they are scented?

Maybe they'll regulate masks now And if you’re gonna call me pussy make sure you put wet before it .....my way my way or the highway Yup... and next law Texas Republicans will pass is requiring those that use electricity to have flashing lights spelling out “Pussy” on their windows. As they should Finally, the satire is easier to get.

This one is also acceptable: FACTS This should be true Finally, some good legislation You wanna label me with that? I've said it for years - you are what you eat. Which is why the proud boys were issued masks that said 'ass'. In Texas real men have truck nutz on their masks. Sweet pussy would be better. Too funny!

I'd buy it Yuck... comic sans You are what you eat. i mean it IS texas after all It's been so long since I've seen this word used in a negative way that I just spent a full minute trying to decode the eating pussy joke I thought was happening here Compelled speech seems like a Texas thing. JohnCoachesInc awayslice Reminds me of this gem

Don't forget the matching hat. jesus lol They'll die like men. Facing the virus and looking it right in the eyes. Like men, dammit! perfect LoL you gotta JoeyTheSuperJew You’re trying to make me like Texas aren’t you? Infection rates have dropped by 100%. 😂 that’s funny This, but not ironically 우리의 뿔이 주의 은총으로 높아지오리니HolyMidweekService 2021.03.04

get yours now, LakeAntifa And not a moment too soon...