Vol 54 Issue 44

Vol 54 Issue 44

New Study Finds Reading Comprehension Down Amongst Dumb Fucks Perusing This Headline

New Study Finds Reading Comprehension Down Amongst Dumb Fucks Perusing This Headline

21.2.2020

New Study Finds Reading Comprehension Down Amongst Dumb Fucks Perusing This Headline

YOUR LOCATION—Discovering a complete failure to understand simple English prose that was nothing short of unbelievable, a new study published Friday found reading comprehension is down significantly amongst the dumb fucks reading this right now. “Our data found that exactly zero of the knuckle-dragging dimwits currently reading this article are capable of processing words and deriving meaning from them,” said the study’s lead researcher, Caroline Yates, who described an alarming, across-the-board decline in the ability to comprehend nuance and discern subtext among the drooling rabble of perplexed simpletons casting their empty, glazed-over eyes on this page. “In fact, we found that you probably just had to reread that last sentence because you fucking morons didn’t know that ‘perplexed’ is a synonym for ‘confused.’ So let us spell this out for you: You no read good. You bad at word knowing.” Yates added that the inability of our shit-for-brains readers to mentally grasp these very words would not stop the numbskulls from smashing their keyboards like fucking Neanderthals to post the most asinine, meaningless babble possible in the comments.

YOUR LOCATION—Discovering a complete failure to understand simple English prose that was nothing short of unbelievable, a new study published Friday found reading comprehension is down significantly amongst the dumb fucks reading this right now. “Our data found that exactly zero of the knuckle-dragging dimwits currently reading this article are capable of processing words and deriving meaning from them,” said the study’s lead researcher, Caroline Yates, who described an alarming, across-the-board decline in the ability to comprehend nuance and discern subtext among the drooling rabble of perplexed simpletons casting their empty, glazed-over eyes on this page. “In fact, we found that you probably just had to reread that last sentence because you fucking morons didn’t know that ‘perplexed’ is a synonym for ‘

So let us spell this out for you: You no read good. You bad at word knowing.” Yates added that the inability of our shit-for-brains readers to mentally grasp these very words would not stop the numbskulls from

Read more: The Onion

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Over 51,000 people in the United Kingdom have tested positive for COVID-19, including Prime Minister Boris Johnson and Prince Charles, heir to the British throne.

Wait wha- The onion really does make you cry :( Never any chill lol r-e-c-u-r-s-i-o-n Hehe....wait a minute.... LEAVE THE DUCKS ALONE so condensation Accurate Give the people what they want. Yeah!! What he said!!

Lifelong antisocial behavior linked to abnormal brain structure: StudyMany of those who've exhibited lifelong antisocial, aka sociopathic, behavior—lying, impulsiveness, aggression, lacking concern for others—have abnormal brain structures, according to a new study. Is it true?Amazing My brother is an abnormal brain structure. Just like Barry Obama

Had to look up comprehension..... Lol to “You bad at word knowing” 😹 Hey :( Hahaaaaaaahahaha- wait Insulting your target audience, Onion? the most asinine, meaningless babble possible I don’t get it. Finally some good news! Just another boring Railroad if you ask me. I don't pursue anything, good sirs.

New study finds association between later school start times and decrease in teen-related car crashesThe study published in the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine analyzed car accidents among teens in Fairfax County, Virginia, for two years. Sleeping later would make this world a better more rested place. Duh. AymanKrayem

My cats breath smells like cat food Caroline Yates would be F'd in the head if she were real... OK, thatz good, yes What does perusing mean? I legit had to read this 3 times to understand it and I’ve honestly never felt more attacked Guilty as charged My reading comprehension is up. . 'What about reading comprehensions of equal and greater or lesser size ?' - Bob Cobb - like Bob Ross & Ty Cobb for the price of 1 - 'can play ball with a paintbrush'

Are you idiotphobic, Onion? Delete your account. cancelOnion I'm out!

Healthy 'Mediterranean Diet' Is Good for Your MicrobiomeThe Mediterranean diet is already considered one of the healthiest for your heart, and now scientists say it may give your gut bacteria a boost, too. Also its contain a delecious food 👏🏻😍

I had to read this twice to understand it I zoomed in on the photo and laughed so hard I cried 😂 Hey, wait a minute while I sort this out I don't understand. too many big wurds! O

Price Hike Lead Patients to Craigslist for Insulin'This study shines a light on how deeply some patients are struggling to afford lifesaving medications. Patients should not have to go to Craigslist to try to find affordable insulin and inhalers.' Beautiful work for Lori and enjoy Blondies work and open friendship or realize friend never in life Stop advertising drugs on TV and the prices will get better

Medicare For All would save $450 billion annually while preventing 68,000 deaths, new study shows'Our study is actually conservative, because it doesn't factor in the lives saved among underinsured Americans,' study author Alison Galvani from the the Yale School of Public Health told Newsweek. No. Just stop. NeverBernie Since you’re acknowledging this, will you start doing your job and reporting the additional news that candidates like Buttigieg, Biden, Bloomberg, and Klobuchar are straight-up lying to the American people about Medicare for All? Who conducted that study, the same ones who said Hillary would win in a landslide in 2016?

12 Signs that You’re Dealing with a Master ManipulatorDoes someone in your life use any means to achieve their goals? Here's how to tell when someone is high in the trait of Machiavellianism, so you can protect yourself from manipulation. Omg I am master manipulator and all others are simple innocent and I am scary and provide no psy safety. Really I am very scary thx very much Maquiavelismo Leyherrera Projection is often motivated by guilt: very much of the time, behaviour is the result of unconscious drives...checking your expressed intention in the light of other people's sight...!?



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