New Poll Finds 80% Of Americans Would Just Fucking Destroy Pan Of Brownies

Food, Vol 52 Issue 30

New Poll Finds 80% Of Americans Would Just Fucking Destroy Pan Of Brownies

Food, Vol 52 Issue 30

2/25/2020

New Poll Finds 80% Of Americans Would Just Fucking Destroy Pan Of Brownies

ASBURY PARK, NJ—Saying their findings were consistent across all demographic groups, researchers at Rasmussen Reports published the results of a new poll Friday revealing that four out of five Americans would just fucking destroy a pan of brownies. “We found that if given the opportunity, 80 percent of the individuals we surveyed would completely demolish a tray of freshly baked brownies, scarfing down every sweet morsel without hesitation,” said Rasmussen statistician Jennifer Tracy, who added that if respondents had a glass of milk, the vast majority would tear through an entire 8-inch-by-10-inch pan of warm, chewy brownies in 10 minutes flat. “Among those Americans who would flat-out wreck an entire plate of brownies before anyone else even got a chance to touch them, we found that three quarters would not stop eating the baked fudgy dessert until there was nothing left behind but a few crumbs, and roughly half would continue housing the whole damn pan of chocolatey treats even when they started feeling sick.” The poll also found that an equal percentage of Americans would burn the shit out of their mouths attempting to wolf down hot brownies straight from the oven.

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Curling a gallon of milk in each hand deserves a dietary supplement to compliment it. Show no weakness as you face your reflection in the bottom of the pan. CreamySoda2 Absolutely true. andashd Havoc06 Ate a cake pan of brownies. Threw up. 10/10 would do again. I would! Especially, here, in Colorado...

Hate to tell you this but it's actually closer to 100% FakeNews Normal or pot? That percentage seems low Only if it had frosting on them.

'Beverly Hills Cop' Actress Giving Pit Bull New Home After Mauling'Beverly Hills Cop' actress is finding a new home for her pit bull who mauled her. Puss. It was her own fault for not paying attention when she had a new animal A new home?!?!? So it can do it again? I love dogs but that dog is even more dangerous now. He needs to be put down for the safety of others. I adopted a pitbull that is extremely friendly.

I thought the onion only did satire I have done that before IAmThe80Percent Give me those crispy corners I thought the onion was supposed to be false🤔 The Onion couldn't afford baking real brownies on a table of a stranger's house, so they photoshopped it instead Most truth in news I've heard all year OnionForPresident2020

drewmagary melodic_failure 81%*

Harvey Weinstein Convicted on 2 Counts, Acquitted on More Serious ChargesHarvey Weinstein has been found guilty by a jury regarding his New York sexual assault case. BREAKING NEWS: Trump Pardons Harvey Weinstein! Said the women treated him unfairly! I guess people can stop claiming that Weinstein got a slap on the wrist now. Acquitted on more serious charges

Can confirm Come on get in touch. Another MSM fairytale 🙄 KanKanDances ko_cloverava BumpinUtleys Coincidence much? Every chance I get! 😄 Not only Americans This is the news I come here for. Thought the Onion was supposed to be fake articles? Side effect drewmagary Hold my Milk.

Medicare for All wins big for Sanders in Nevada, New Hampshire, Iowa - Business InsiderTwo separate exit polls showed strong support among Democratic voters for Sanders's plan to insure every American under Medicare for All. Do you support Medicare for All? Voice your opinion on How on Earth can someone attack Medicare for all? Only those are profiting unlimitedly. tckalways Wonder what happens when Congress won't pass Medicare-for-All?

cookspeaktom I would 100% be in that 80% Brownies don't actually taste that good...? 😋😋😋 Always leave one. Finally, good news for once. 80%... 80%?! ..What about the other brownie-hating 20%, huh?! Shame on them! MeganCrush idk Are they cake-like or chewy? No question.

Biden's South Carolina advantage shrinksThe latest NBC News/WSJ poll shows that Biden fares best among all Democrats with African-American voters, but the gap is not as wide as one might think. Shut up Wait you think BERNIE is gonna win 😂😂😂😂😂😂Have you been to SC lately!!

I would 80% of statistics are false And then sit back talkin' about, 'Damn.....I wish I had another pan of those.' Bitch, I’m cooking brownies right now. A a Republican Vulture capitalist an immigrant and Maga voter sit down with a pan of 9 brownies Republican vulture takes 8 brownies .....then hands the immigrant and Maga voter half a brownie. When the immigrant isn’t listening the Vulture steals Magas and blames the immigrant

Put some cream cheese frosting on those and then we can talk. I would Legal weed has caused number to rise D_Nates lyssalou412 Yup

Biden's South Carolina advantage shrinks among key votersNew NBCNews/Wall Street Journal poll suggests that Joe Biden fares best among all the Democrats with the number of African American voters who are 'comfortable with' or 'enthusiastic' about him — but the gap is not as wide as one might think. Unfortunately, Biden is just up there to be a puppet kinda like a jester. Ha ha look at me. He's not even taking this election seriously I’m so sorry this has happened to your network😔 Mr. Vice President...please keep on fighting...I hope I'm wrong...but Democrats will not only lose the Mid West and the election...but the house if Senator Sanders is on top of the ticket...

give me 2 Did we leave out something... I would to. It bit me Why bother slicing that? Just add some ice-cream, chocolate sauce and some whipped cream! An oldie but a goodie. Yessssss ........ just yes. Both with ....... and without a gallon of ICE COLD WHOLE MILK I feel seen

Sanders leads Democratic field in new national pollA new national poll finds Sen. Bernie Sanders is well ahead of the field of Democratic presidential candidates as the party's nominating process nears the fourth contest of this cycle. Thanks Russia Thanks Eussia my position is clear I will not vote for him or Trump I don't support him we need somebody who can unite the country and reignite the bipartisanship spirit and heal years of partisanship extremism, Sanders and Trump are divisive choices who won't be able to do it

No news there. 20% of people would just walk away. And why not? DEFEAT ALL BROWNIES FOR GREAT JUSTICE Brownies are boring Alyciajoybadger This is the loudest I have laughed all day . Oh I needed that 😄 same but 2 hours later is always an issue Incredible timing I wonder how this translates to pro-weed demographics 🤔

Only 80%? Only 80 ✋🏻 Not just Americans, c'mon! Would. Did....😋 This is the only funny shit on Twitter Too true I thought Americans liked brownies

Only 80%? this is the one time i've seen a satirical article and 100% agree with it. Yessir This is accurate for Brits too. Even better if he delivers them



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