New Law Enforcement Robot Can Wield Excessive Force Of 5 Human Officers

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HOUSTON—In an effort to enhance the agency’s capabilities while reducing the burden on its existing force, sources confirmed Friday that the Houston Police Department has developed a new line of law enforcement robots capable of wielding the excessive force of five human officers.

First dispatched by the HPD earlier this month, the tactical robotic units, known as the AP-12, are reportedly equipped with on-board mechanisms to target both criminals and innocent bystanders, and possess a variety of retractable instruments that allow them to effortlessly subdue and restrain up to four individuals at once.

According to its designers, the AP-12 is outfitted with numerous features that make it ideal for abruptly resorting to extreme measures, including a highly sensitive motion detector that perceives most gestures as an act of resistance necessitating physical force. Additionally, the robots possess a powerful hydraulic grasping system, enabling them to repeatedly slam subjects of any size and weight against fences, dumpsters, and car hoods with previously unattainable levels of aggression.

 

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Get it on the streets asap

'You have 20 seconds to comply'

This is what happens when you don't comply. Just comply and nothing bad will happen ever. Ever.

So the Pentagon will be interested in this.

I especially liked the mint-scented pepper spray.

'Your move, creep.'

We are the robotz... We are the robotz... We are the robotz... We are the robotz...

Available in your nearest Hong Kong

Hearing “I can’t breathe” only makes it excited.

Will need testing because not all subjects are ethnic minorities.

STOP GIVING THEM IDEAS

So a real-life grenade-yeilding robot used by Dallas police a few years back was less lethal than five cops?

Very misleading picture. As if this would ever be used on two white guys.

. saw that one coming

Lloyd_Cole

You know this is fake because a police robot isn't going to beat white people

Im gonna use it as a Sex toy

Kind of like this, but where 'blades' are 'knees'.

This is just cruel and heartless. Not funny at all

combine the pain

This new WALL-E movie looks hardcore af.

Almost fell for this and then I seen the people it`s attacking are white. Inaccurate.

Once again theonion wins satire.

Not surprising...Onion or not!

The actual service model will have an interlock to immediately reverse if the individual is found to be a caucasian male that makes at least $100,000 a year.

Technology! a threat to JOBS!!!

mtaibbi

China have just ordered a thousand for a feasibility study in Hong Kong.

Engineers say the robot is also equipped with a sophisticated audio command program that recognizes and subsequently ignores such phrases as “Stop” and “I give up” ...just amazing....applause*

Unfunny

One might say, too soon?

incredible

How much?

Can we use it on officers?

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