Joseph Biden, Election 2020, Vol 55 Issue 49, Politics

Joseph Biden, Election 2020

Nation Calls For Letting Biden Rub Women’s Shoulders Again After Seeing What He’ll Do Instead

Nation Calls For Letting Biden Rub Women’s Shoulders Again After Seeing What He’ll Do Instead

12/2/2019 9:41:00 PM

Nation Calls For Letting Biden Rub Women’s Shoulders Again After Seeing What He’ll Do Instead

WASHINGTON—Apologizing for what they have unleashed by condemning the former Vice President’s past behavior, the U.S. populace issued a call Monday to let Joe Biden rub women’s shoulders again after seeing what he will do instead. “It’s not that the shoulder rub thing isn’t creepy, it is, but we didn’t realize the Pandora’s box that we opened by making him stop,” said Loveland, Colorado resident Virginia Dalton, claiming that while Biden smelling a woman’s hair had always grossed her out, seeing the 77-year-old biting his wife’s finger during a campaign event over the weekend shook her to the core. “It’s fine, just let him do it. Unsolicited shoulder rubs or touching a stranger’s lower back are not good, but at least they’re kind of normal. There is apparently no hope of him just acting okay, so let’s at least give him back the shoulder rubs, because God knows what horrors he will unleash upon women without that outlet.” At press time, the nation’s women were hastily promising Biden they would vote for him just so they could escape his advances.

Read more: The Onion »

i thought the onion was supposed to be satire I remember when he was digging his fingers into a 12yo little girl shoulders and pressing her on his body lmfaoo but these politicians want what's best for us hell yea!! Give ppl that dont even know your name all the power Wooooo!!!! the onion could have just posted the picture without context and we would assume it was photoshopped by them wtf 😂🤦🏽‍♂️😂🤦🏽‍♂️😂🤦🏽‍♂️ who fucked with reality

Was there a peanut in that hand? .....13......14.......and 15. I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy doing my patriotic duty for our dear leader. Hannibal Biden 😂😂😂 I guess men are dogs. . . Ha! 😂 it's the heinrich nibblius digitus griff joe na lisa Popehat We're still telling him to leave the children alone right?

Lol Nom The Onion is making funny jokes again? Lawd What she have for breakfast CNMneews 😵 KyleKulinski I fell off my fucking chair awstar11 doxholly 😂😂😂 I'm dying lol KyleKulinski PolitiBunny You couldn’t make this crap up. Geez. Come on ElizabethWarren you are who we really want to go up against. 10WLKR The Onion did not alter this photo

I mean this timeline is hell but the comedy is gold nickgillespie Joe Biden sucked my toe at an integrated swimming pool in 1973 and I’ve never forgotten The memes. I can't.😂😂😂😂😂 HAHAHAHA Is this a real image? 😂 Creepy KyleKulinski Omg 😂🤣😂🤣😭🤣😂 MrJonCryer You were funnier when you doctored photos.

MrJonCryer 🤣 OmanReagan Bernie Sanders demands equal time, says he'll go to third base with any female Republican voter. wetmintsalad If he really does go back to rubbing women’s shoulders, you’ll be catching me in drag. I’m so sore from all that shoveling in MN last week. ...Hannibal Lecter’s missing son surfaces at political rally...

'The Malarkey' is now enjoyed by thousands of teens around the world ! Finger lickin good Found ol' Joe a job, as a hangnail removal specialist for manicurists. In a major campaign flub, Biden smells Jill's fingers & bites her hair. What is Joe thinking? Biden locates handy Dolt Lick Ladies and Gentlemen, your Democratic candidate for President of the United States.

This was a playful moment during a speech. I hate the internet. Smell my finger one of the best games growing up my grandpa, except when his hands are cold. 'No, Let's Stick with the Finger Licking Thing,' Say a Small but Vocal Minority of Americans while Delicately Biting Their Lips there are foot guys and there are finger guys

Go on a Malarkey bus tour? I'd nibble on Jill's fingers too. Not in front of a crowd. This is fantastic :D At least that's his wife. I'd prefer they get their own room. But no one has a comment about the wife oblivious to nearly smacking him off the stage? Hey you folks are killing it with these 🙏

‘I know Joe’s heart’: Why black voters are backing Joe BidenWhy have black voters faced with the most diverse presidential field in history gravitated toward a 77-year-old white man? For many, support for Democrat Joe Biden is a pragmatic calculation, emarvelous writes. emarvelous Ignorance. emarvelous I’m tired of this narrative. This isn’t rocket science!!! Biden is ready on Day 1, most experienced, most foreign policy experience, solid policies, a caring people person, loves America,why’s it SO shocking to support JoeBiden? It’s insulting to question this point! emarvelous I'm not voting for him. Please stop generalizing.

On ‘No Malarkey’ Tour, Joe Biden Appeals to Rural IowansRumbling across western Iowa by bus, Joe Biden is seeking to steady his campaign by appealing directly to rural voters he says have been hurt by President Trump’s trade war with China. If his campaign really meant no malarkey, they would speak plainly and admit that the worst thing that the Democrats can do will be to nominate a guy who has been a key part of the failed 2 party system for decades. Trump will beat him. Need an outsider/Indie like Sanders. No Message tour You tell them about your memory being raised on a farm?

Hunter Biden Should Just Pay for the Damn BabyHunter Biden’s actual political scandal — his secret child in Arkansas — has a new wrinkle. That wrinkle is that the son of the former vice president of the United States is not only too broke, but too broke to tell everyone just how broke he is because it’s embarrassing.

How Black Voters Could Help Biden Win the Democratic NominationTo win the Democratic presidential nomination, a candidate needs to secure 1,990 pledged delegates. A significant number of delegates are at stake in states with large shares of black Democratic voters. No luck... dug yourselves too deep.. trump2020 The Republicans are going to get every single one of those delegates in swing states I think you folks will literally be crying on election night. I’ll be sending boxes of tissues. And by the way you haven’t done your job in years.

Biden has always talked about ‘malarkey.’ But what does he mean?As part of his presidential campaign, Joe Biden is embarking on a 'No Malarkey' bus tour of Iowa. But what exactly does the word 'malarkey' mean? Malarkey = bullshit Cute...but tell us more about kids rubbing his hairy legs in a pool Good god, we have to do better than this.

Joe Biden picks up the pace in the Hawkeye State ahead of 2020, will it be enough?After a brief Thanksgiving hiatus, former Vice President Joe Biden is hitting the road Saturday in Iowa in a big way, embarking on an eight-day, 18-county bus tour through the state as the 2020 presidential hopeful looks to gain momentum. Biden’s barnstorm will mark the most consecutive days he’s spent