NASA Announces Selection Of Two Hot, Ripped Astronauts For Man-On-Man Mission To Mars

Shirtless and oiled-up for their appearance before the press, former Air Force captain Stephen Dunhill and Malibu, CA lifeguard Blake Brawner were introduced by officials who said the two tanned studs had completed an Astronaut Corps training program that pushed them to their mental, physical, and carnal limits. NASA confirmed that the two mouthwatering male specimens possessed both the courage and the raw, insatiable lust needed to complete the landmark mission.

According to sources, the prospective astronauts underwent grueling tests in which they were observed as they piloted the model spacecraft, maneuvered through the cramped cabin to check instrument panels while executing seamless reach-arounds, responded to simulated emergency scenarios, and negotiated the delicate entry into Mars’ atmosphere while having their testicles played with.

Mars ain't no kind of place to raise your kids; in fact it's hot as hell. Grrrrr!

Why not try to Superman's

They’re going to Uranus?

northmanlogging Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

AlexanderPayton

Well...that's very interesting.

Houston we're coming in for docking.

This will be the sequel to Brokeback Mountain?

Silence of the lambs

are they good looking? mars emperor is not going to accept bad looking humans out there. he already said so, but wondering what are they going to be competing about and around out there? competition on mars will suck for real 😮 not to many followers? so sorry for the emperor 🥲

Passe... I already visited Mars...

Brokeback Martian

😂😂😂😂

Make space travel sexy!

Is AlexanderPayton moonlighting for the Onion now?

Space Force reconsiders recently unveiled uniform, noting,'No alien would be sexually attracted to our men and women wearing that hot mess.'

Yawn. Wake me when the first non-binary trans and whatever the Q is mission to Uranus is.

Apollo 13 Inches

😳

Who needs toxic masculinity when you got male love enroute to the planet named after the god of war? I’d pump endless quarters in the slot to see that “battle”.

catmancatman864

HAHA LOL URANUS 😂😂😂 … i’m so lonely

Gonna visit Uranus, huh?

'Among other tests, the two astronauts will investigate whether the negligible atmospheric pressure on Mars will allow erections to remain rock-hard for longer periods of time.'

Good luck Mike! 🤣

this is what the Space Force should have been

Finally!

This is what representation is about

the red planet? more like, the shred planet.

I already know what joke is going to be made at least a few times in the comments, so allow me to just sigh in advance.

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