Photo: George Marks/Getty Images My husband is self-employed and earns a relatively good income, but hoards all his money in his business account and leaves me to pay for child care and all other child-related expenses. He claims that all our money is “ours,” yet I feel like I am always paying more than my share of our family’s operating expenses.
One thing that stands out to me is that you both seem to be making a lot of financial decisions and paying bills separately. That divide-and-conquer strategy works fine for some couples, but it’s not working for you; it’s time to take a more collective approach. At the very least, you need to set up a more organized, central system. If you’re each fending for yourselves with your monthly budgets, it’s hard to keep track of who owes what, and having Venmo invoices flying around can get confusing.
To start the process, Lutter recommends meeting with a neutral third party who can help you determine a household budget. “I would encourage you to meet with an unbiased professional, like an accredited financial counselor or financial therapist, to lay all expenses on the table,” she says. As for your husband’s business: I know that self-employment can be tough, and it’s good that he’s set up a business account for tax, liability, and accounting reasons. But he also needs to make regular distributions from that account to cover his personal and household bills. If his business cash flow is inconsistent — which often happens with small businesses — then he needs to figure out what a comfortable monthly distribution would be.
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