It’s 2:30 A.M. and I’m up. Again. I know what you’re thinking, I must have a crying newborn or a teething infant. You’re wrong. I do have an almost three-year-old — but he’s sound asleep. He thankfully was sleep-trained at four months. I’m up because I’m fretting about something no one warned me about. There was no book to read nor trendy course to take. No hip podcast on the subject.
After Kennedy was born, I set out to be the mother I never had. Prior to becoming pregnant I had grand plans to become an actress, move to Hollywood, fall in love with a movie star and live happily ever after. I let those dreams fade as I stepped into the greatest role of my life. I was a stern mother. I didn’t allow talking back; if I saw a frown, I would promptly ask for it to be turned upside down. I wasn’t a “cool” mom, either. I knew Kennedy needed a mother, not a friend. I packed a school lunch for her every day. I drove her to school and picked her up. I never missed an open house or a school performance.
Kennedy is headed off to Northwestern University. All the way in Chicago. Did I mention we live in Los Angeles? I am so unbearably proud of her. But a part of me is also unbearably sad. I have raised an unbelievable child. I have watched her mature and grow and change in ways that blow my mind. In a few months, she will be 18. A legal adult. An age when I can finally be “cool” mom. But she won’t be here. She will be in college.
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