I found out I was pregnant on Mother’s Day 2022. Six days afterWhen I began having pain in my lower abdomen, I thought I had a urinary tract infection. My sample revealed something else. The urgent care doctor told me I was “like, super pregnant” — her exact words. I cried as she gave me instructions for next steps.The front desk secretary brought me one of the balloons her own daughters had given her. It had the words “Best MOM Ever” displayed on a pastel rainbow background.
When we got home, I tried on excitement to see if it could fit. I imagined what it would be like to have a baby in less than a year. I thought about where to put the crib in our apartment. We’d always planned to move closer to home when we got pregnant, but neither of us felt ready to leave LA yet. I wondered how our cats would react to a baby. I imagined telling our families.
It was odd, being in the hospital without either of my parents for the first time. When I was a kid, my dad was a cardiologist, and my family visited him at his office all the time. After he was diagnosed with leukemia, we spent seven months visiting him in the restricted oncology ward. He died when I was 17. Waiting in the ER, I itched to call him and tell him I was being poked with needles.
“OK,” he said, “I’ve got your levels on here, and it looks like we’re going to be sending you home. You should come back on Thursday, when I will be working again, so I can see you and we can determine the kind of pregnancy. If it is ectopic, we should be able to give you some methotrexate and you’ll pass it.”He looked up, seeming to see me for the first time and replied, “The treatment will be the same, yes.”We thanked him despite not feeling particularly enlightened or understood.
She told me that based on the amount of blood in my abdomen, the tube ruptured days ago. The pain I felt the day before Mother’s Day was not because a pregnancy was causing strain on my bladder. It was because my left fallopian tube had ripped open.Dr. Eyebrows, then, had sent me home despite clear medical evidence that my life was in danger. Despite the very real likelihood that I could have died between my two ER visits.
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