While we can work to control and change our behavior, we can never control our child’s behavior, or
, or the larger world they live in. Nor do we control the cosmic toss of the genetic dice. Some kids have special vulnerabilities and sensitivities from the time they are very young., is an expert on “difficult kids.
As Taffel puts it, feeling guilty and responsible for your child's problems makes about as much sense as feeling guilty that your daughter is the only kid in her class who can’t see the blackboard without eyeglasses.can serve a positive purpose. All parents make mistakes and take positions that are too distant or too intense. The right amount of"good guilt" can help you to seek the advice and support you need and to change your behavior in a positive way.
That said, the process of reflection, self-evaluation, and change is essentially a self-loving task that will not flourish in an atmosphere of judgment and blame. Mothers are the most vulnerable family members when it comes to the false belief that we can control our children when it's difficult enough to control or our own selves.
Whether your child is 5 or 50, consider repeating as a mantra: “I am responsible for my own behavior; I amThis means you do as good a job as you can and let go of the false belief that you can control who your child is or how your child thinks, feels, and behaves. On some days, you may deserve a shiny medal just for getting through the day.
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