LANSING, IA—Describing it as “a raging desire over which [she] has absolutely no physical or psychological control,” local mother Sandra Bedo told reporters today that she regularly experiences an intense, violent compulsion to festoon her home’s front doorway in decorations that reflect the visual traditions of the current season.
“God damn it, I need dry corn stalks—where are the dry corn stalks?” the 46-year-old mother of three said with a pinecone between her teeth, frantically stringing miniature gourds along twine for a harvest garland. “October is almost here and I need a fucking cornucopia of berries and Indian corn to go at the base of the door next to the pumpkin cluster with the paper cutout of the scarecrow that will look darling leaning against the foliage wreath.
Oh boy...
I am Mother
My co-workers do the same damm thing and I don't understand it. I don't care, really. But still, WHY!
“Game on, Karen!”
MarriedtoMundy
Leave me alone.
I feel a violent desire to make myself a snack!!
featherygit
Oof, my mum in a nutshell
Desire is strong and it's a constant battle.I was eyeing a box of gourds this weekend, opted for a mini pumpkin. Resisted the urge to also make some fall-like baked good, made brownies instead.
Trev91028038
People and their damn seasonal wreaths.
That is my ex-wife
Violence
you guys have lost your fastball BeBetter
ImNotAHRHitter HannahNancarrow
mmaggottt
She does this at MY house. I need to change the locks or something.
cc: Gloria. This is you, neighbor, since you gave up that job at Havertys and have nothing better to do than to send me things like this.
Does she plays video games?
“Violent desire”
Is heralded by her neighbors for incorporating real marijuana leaves into it, in an illegal State.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
LillyCoomes
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