Miami Mayor Suggests Citizens May Be Able To Resume Grinding On Each Other By July 1

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MIAMI—Confirming that social-distancing measures had helped curb local Covid-19 cases, Mayor Francis Suarez suggested in a press conference Monday that it was possible the people of Miami could begin grinding on one another again by the end of the month. “I know everyone’s patience is waning, but 30 additional days of self-isolation will put us in a strong position to allow rhythmic, pelvis-on-pelvis gyrations to recommence on the dance floor in time for the Fourth of July weekend,” said Suarez, who emphasized that wearing a mask and washing one’s hands remained the best weapons in the fight for all Miamians to once more get freaky in public without fear of exposure to this particular disease. “Rest assured, we are monitoring the situation closely and look forward to the day when both residents and tourists can safely back that shit up without maintaining 6 feet of distance between their buttocks and the genitals they are attempting to rub up on. With your cooperation, we can ensure a swift return to our august tradition of dry-humping one another to reggaeton favorites in this city’s world-renowned clubs, restaurants, beaches, parks, and museums.” The mayor added that those with temperatures exceeding 99.5 degrees would likely be allowed to resume grinding as well, but would be asked to do so from the confines of a suspended go-go cage.

 

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soulsurgeon1 omg😂😂😂😂

So do you put a mask on your ass?

i highly recommend that florida people do exactly that on july the 1st and let covid rid us of having to be disappointed by florida voters this november

And they say the media doesn’t put out good news

Oh hey it's Florida Man!

There’s the light at the end of the tunnel I’ve been waiting for

That’s like a whole month from now.

Not with any canadians

Phew I was beginning to wonder 😂

Don’t think Miami ever stopped

ThaDooley 💀

Wait what? That's all I've been doing during lock down...🤐

Finally some good news

sometimes i think you slide real stories in with the satire... just like this one.

jerryiannelli Jerry... do you ever fact check your sources? It’s *June* 1. ;-)

Ice ice baby

How can you make jokes at a time like this?!!

Well, kindof get it. 😜🤔😢

Thats welcome news

Can dogs go back to sniffing ass already?

How about today bitch it's Pride Month

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