Matt Gaetz Forced To Host Hundreds Of White Nationalists After Airbnb Pulls D.C. Listings

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WASHINGTON—As he rummaged through a closet to take stock of his extra sheets and towels, Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) confirmed Thursday he had been forced to open his home to hundreds of white nationalists after Airbnb canceled all D.C. metro reservations for the week of the inauguration. “Sometimes when I’m hanging out with a bunch of white supremacists, I’ll tell them, ‘Hey, if you’re ever in Washington and need a place to crash, let me know’—but you never expect anyone will actually take you up on it,” said a visibly exhausted Gaetz, who, according to sources, spent yesterday fielding frantic texts from Proud Boys, militia members, and Boogaloo extremists and sending them each detailed instructions about when they could pick up a key to his place and how to access the Wi-Fi. “Some of these guys I know pretty well, so I’m cool with it. But others are just people I met one time at an anti-immigrant rally somewhere, and I can’t help but feel they’re taking advantage of my hospitality. There are AR-15s all over my apartment, half of the air mattresses have been punctured by hunting knives, and this morning I tripped over a crossbow that almost put a bolt straight through my leg. I just hope everybody’s okay with takeout, because there’s no way I’m cooking for 500 people.” At press time, Gaetz had reportedly experienced a change of heart, tying on an apron and shouting, “Who wants pancakes?” to his excited guests.

WASHINGTON—As he rummaged through a closet to take stock of his extra sheets and towels, Rep. Matt Gaetz confirmed Thursday he had been forced to open his home to hundreds of white nationalists after Airbnb canceled all D.C. metro reservations for the week of the inauguration.

“Sometimes when I’m hanging out with a bunch of white supremacists, I’ll tell them, ‘Hey, if you’re ever in Washington and need a place to crash, let me know’—but you never expect anyone will actually take you up on it,” said a visibly exhausted Gaetz, who,spent yesterday fielding frantic texts from Proud Boys, militia members, and Boogaloo extremists and sending them each detailed instructions about when they could pick up a key to his place and how to access the Wi-Fi.

 

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wally_polischuk I know this is satire and all but that five day bender bloat face isn’t at all satirical.

VitoVaffanculo Is Matt Gaetz on steroids or did he eat too much lasagna & cannoli over Xmas? He looks bloated!

His coming down off a cocaine insurrection up his nose since last Wednesday. His bromance with Rudy Ballooniani also has him filled up with Q-laide. This bear look likes he can skip a few meals...

Party!! Party!! Party!! Party!!

jaketapper That's his guys!

jaketapper Tapper followers NOT bright.

jaketapper FBI you go talk to him?

Someones been having 3 meals (looks like more) a day, while most of the country are lucky to have one at all

jaketapper Photoshopped. Duh.

jaketapper I forgot how fat he was before giving birth to Nestor.

jaketapper Hillarious!

jaketapper Jake, I gotta ask ...why? Most, but not 'ALL' people know that isn't real news. I can't stand mattgaetz and believe he is a racist prick, BUT I wouldn't expect a real journalist such as you to retweet something like this.

jaketapper Do we even need to satirize these people anymore? If AP ran this story in earnest I'd only be mildly surprised.

jaketapper hes a yo-yo-er

jaketapper They must’ve felt right at home. He’s definitely part of the insurrection!!!

jaketapper Honey, I'm bringing home a few hundred friends for dinner🧑🏻‍🌾👩🏻‍🏭🐽

jaketapper Matt's fantasy come true A house full of HOUSE BOYS

jaketapper Lol the onion isn’t even satire anymore. Everything that used to be unbelievable by them has basically come true.

jaketapper He is an embarrassment to this country. RepMattGaetz needs to be expelled.

jaketapper 🤣

RepMattGaetz looks like the TV game show host of a alt-Reich program called 'I DID NAZI THAT COMING.' mattgaetz 🐸

jaketapper Is this for real?

jaketapper The toilet would overflow in 5 minutes 😂

jaketapper From what we know about Gaetz 🏳️‍🌈 he'll find from room a group of smelly hairy men. 😜

Proverbs 4:19 'The way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know over what they stumble” MattGaetzIsATool

jaketapper Before he went plastic?

jaketapper Ha!

jaketapper shouldn't he be expelled from congress since he's openly white supremacist?

jaketapper Are you serious? Gaetz should be forced to resign. He appears to have gone rogue and needs to be removed.

jaketapper I actually thought this was real news, that's how bad the news from the US has been recently.

jaketapper Why your surprise he is one of them

Mark_Sheppard 🤣🤣

Matt Gaetz should be the mascot for stranger danger

Should have said 'volunteered'

Most punchable face.

Crikey! Don't torture them!

Kudos for the fat Gaetz pic.

another beauty

davidhogg111 Knowing Hogg he’d believe this

😂😂😂😂👏👏 wonderful 😬

Wait... Is that 'host' as in putting them up for a couple of nights or as in them coming over to his place for a Grindr hook up? Nestor might get jealous.

Saber I just now realized this guy's face fluctuates like a cartoon character.

Maybe he can treat them the same as a random teenage boy Cuban refugee

his cuban son had to share a bed with him

davidhogg111

David Hogg thinks this is true.

Host or adopt?

matt_dacey

Is it okay to be a black nationalist? Just asking cause it seems so

davidhogg111 I know this is satire but in the case of Gaetz I dunno 🤷🏻‍♀️ ...may be closer to the truth with this idiot. Bet you could get a bunch of high fives from some dumb Trumpublicans 🤣

davidhogg111 Herr Gaetz!

MaxAMaxim It's actually a dream of his.

Fat Gaetz

davidhogg111 Hey Matt; could we get some extra towels and sunscreen?

Just look at that BMI!

davidhogg111 better call the plumber and check the valuables RepMattGaetz !...RepBoebert and mtgreenee can serve kool aid and big macs

davidhogg111 brilliant!

kevthulhu The Onion might as well be a non-jokey source. Life is literally too difficult and fucky to tell teh difference anymore.

davidhogg111 Matt is getting fat, must eat more as things get worse🤔🤗

davidhogg111 He might like this as he apparently likes young men.

davidhogg111 Yeah. 'Forced.' I wonder how many liquor stores were emptied out to pay tribute to Gaetz of Hell? 🤔

davidhogg111

Has he lost weight recently? In this photo, he looks like he ate another Matt Geatz.

iboudreau That’s the wittiest thing I’ve read all day

🤡🤡🤡

Chinchillazllla is that what his head actually looks like?

Chinchillazllla 'forced'

If he was smart enough those white supremists would let Getz join them

NiteniteMelissa Man.. i love the onion. Best news coverage anywhere. Even though the competitors like Breitbart, OAN, Fox etc. have mediocre coverage, The Onion shines above the rest.

Stop posing left wing shit it’s not funny

Marilyn97954943 What happen to MattGaetz, he looks like he swallowed a pig?

SovietSergey He isn't being forced, he's being complicit in the insurrection on January 6th, and future events.

Must be COVID eating or maybe you’re depressed? Either way you are gross

Why has Gaetz gotten so skinny lately? This is the Fat Matt Gaetz I first fell in hate with!

He is getting very puffy

Gaetz is a towering figure when it comes to tRumpian devotional perversities.

But they can't use the bathrooms.

caroledwine Nothing more effective in showing them the folly of their ways.

OscarNunezLA mattgaetz is a good guy for this. I hear they're prone to stealing shit that doesn't belong to them when they leave tho 🖕🏻🖕🏻

I like to call RepMattGaetz “Don Jr Jr” since I think he’s trying out to be the favorite Trump son.

It would have been even better Gaetz joke if you ended with, 'after Airbnb pulls out'.

Just another weekend sleepover for Matt.

FBI FBIWFO this may interest you 1 hour ago.

bencnn Just bad.

🤣

This must be the pre makeover congressman? Pre chin?

Matt just wants to know who's buying the booze

Gaetz’s bod, is this the new Charlie Kirk face?

He should be arrested for aiding and abetting criminals.

Move over, Nestor . . . you've got some new brothers and sisters !

FederalistPitch Lol

Move over, Nestor.

I love pics of the chubby Gaetz

nimbornone Love it

Lol

He made room for Nestor, right?

That pic explains his “used to be chubby and was embarrassed by it but now I’m super skinny and my head looks way too big but I am brimming with confidence anyway” demeanor

Did he lose a lot of weight? Looked thinner during the recent insurrection.

Be careful when you sleep!

😂

Is he adopting the younger ones

FattGaetz is hilarious but he’s not THAT chonky, Onion

Hung_Mung Wtf?

Nice photoshop

Is that a photoshop? He looks intimate with cake here.

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