Marijuana Use Triples Among Gary

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COLUMBUS, OH—In an alarming trend that some are calling a failure of U.S. drug prevention policies, daily marijuana use increased nearly threefold this month among 26-year-old Gary.

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According to federal records, daily Gary marijuana use began at age 15 and rose steadily over the next two years, only to plummet dramatically in 2001 when Gary's mother discovered the remains of a joint in an Altoids container on his dresser.

Despite the momentary decline, usage began creeping back up to previous levels almost immediately, with intake peaking in 2005 following the purchase of a sweet 3-foot glass bong."Our efforts to keep marijuana out of the hands of Gary have clearly been insufficient," said Benjamin Whitmore, a researcher with the National Institute on Drug Abuse who recently found evidence that Gary can easily obtain pot from that one guy who always scores the super dank shit with all the crystals.

Whitmore's study indicates that constantly being fried can have a variety of negative effects on Gary, including a sharp uptick in the viewing of crappy movies and a noted decrease in Pop-Tart reserves.In addition, being so fucking stoned all the time can affect job productivity, with Gary often delivering pizzas to the wrong house, or just showing up in customers' living rooms without thinking to bring their orders.

One local marijuana expert confirmed that the drug has become a regular routine—and even a lifestyle—for Gary."Dude, he's been smoking up like crazy," roommate Chip Nichols said while carefully breaking apart a bud on the sleeve of Herbie Hancock's 1974 record. "It's awesome. First thing each day he wakes and bakes, and then an hour later he's yelling that we've got to pack another bowl.

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I've been following the Gary demographic for a while.

This is me. I am Gary.

thehedrk 'who is this gary character?' -weird science

All the Gary's do that

Mark_Sheppard Drug use and abuse is not a laughing matter. It and it's consumers are a stain on society which need to be wiped away.

Gary!

Ask Gary why? 'I'm not a bitch, that's why', says Gary. He can be a dick sometimes, but we love him. It's better when Gary is high. That's all we're saying.

mattstew_art you heard about this?

its me, im gary

Chinchillazllla lappierg

Chinchillazllla I'm gary

Is that Erlich Bachman!?!

st

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