Vol 49 Issue 36

Vol 49 Issue 36

Man Puts Glass Of Water On Bedside Table In Case He Needs To Make Huge Mess In Middle Of Night

Man Puts Glass Of Water On Bedside Table In Case He Needs To Make Huge Mess In Middle Of Night

10/26/2021 6:00:00 AM

Man Puts Glass Of Water On Bedside Table In Case He Needs To Make Huge Mess In Middle Of Night

ANN ARBOR, MI—Explaining that it’s just more convenient, local man Andrew Gomez told reporters Thursday that he’s gotten in the habit of placing a glass of water on his bedside table before he goes to sleep in case he needs to make a huge, sopping mess in the middle of the night. “Sometimes I’ll wake up at night, and…

Read more: The Onion »

walkerley1981 grandpa: one for drinking, one for teeth, one for peeing in The Onion is literally describing my everyday actions almost perfectly 😯 I first read this headline eight years ago. And nearly every single night since then my brain screams this out at me when I put my bedside glass down. You animals.

Once it happens there is that split second that you know the water is spreading and doing damage to phones etc, and then you reach for the lamp and that falls over too. I used to do this when I was a kid. Then one night I fell out of bed and knocked the cup off the table and soaked myself. Now I keep bottled water on my side table. This way I’ll only get hit by the bottle and there’s no mess to clean up.

You might find this an interesting read looking at 2030 The absolute accuracy 🤦🏻‍♀️ My soggy books piled near the night stand are glad someone finally sees them. That's why I use plastic bottles! That will help for sure❗️ That crash is better than any alarm clock!

How to Make Good GritsA properly cooked pot of grits should be smooth, creamy, and deeply flavorful. When made right, you won't need anything more than a little salt and butter to finish them off.

IFeelAttacked 😜 I usually like the Onion but this is going too far. You shouldn't joke about certain things. Yas. Bottle. With a lid. Simple. ZacharysRogers you and me lol I peed m_y 👖 sigh; in 11 seconds; when the clock turns 4:16; that is when dad will sweep the water on floor. 11.10.09.08.07.06.05.04.03.02.sneeze!

the clock has 4 hands. brain leak alert! I never understood why people do this because they're really drinking dusty warm water. Wake the FUCK up and go to the freezer if you want water that is ice cold lol.

'So Ridiculous': Seinfeld Reveals The Scene He Couldn't Film Without Laughing'I messed that one up a ton,' he admitted. nice Playing the straight man ain’t easy, fella. That show can be watched for ever and it will always be funny.

DuvalMagic Stop copying my life!! All the negative energy will not be absorbed by the glass of water. OK AshleyGWinter — you start The unmentioned analog alarm clock was a nice touch. A set of false teeth in the water glass, though, would have been overkill. You never know. Hilarious That’s why I use a bottle. ProTip

I'm kinda tired of the Onion putting me on blast multiple times in one day Accurate and disturbingly hard-hitting journalism.

Amal Clooney Wore a Gorgeous Cutout Dress With George for His ‘The Tender Bar’ PremiereGeorge and Amal Clooney made a rare red carpet appearance together last night in Los Angeles for his The Tender Bar premiere. What ever happened to the kid who ran from his party and fell off the cliff? In light of Amal Clooney’s accomplishments, is it wrong of me to consider George Clooney a trophy husband? aita ?

Why? Every goddamn time! Article doesn't even mention the opportunity to yell oh'F in the middle of the night. Look man, I started buying sippy cups for toddlers like 20 years ago and I haven't had a spill on the nightstand since. Man up and get yourself a sippy! Hopefully it will spill all over the phone.

mtylke00 Wow, relating real hard to this 😳

Brandi Carlile Shines on 'SNL' With Performances of 'Broken Horses' & 'Right on Time': WatchBrandi Carlile made her 'Saturday Night Live' debut on Oct. 23, performing songs from her new album, 'In These Silent Days.' brandicarlile Help the homeless brandicarlile Right on time brandicarlile is just magical! That solo piano start was incredible! 🔥 Kkkkkk

Cowboy caviar dip for game dayLooking for a super simple dip that’s on the table in five minutes fast?

The Strange New Trend That’s Enraging Hiring ManagersMy, how the tables have turned. Good! I’m sure the managers doing the whining are just experiencing Karma Poor, poor, corporate america. How many decades would people desperate for jobs not even get a courtesy “no thank you” or “we went with someone else” follow up. F them.