VIRGINIA BEACH, VA—Arguing that the nation’s top earners shouldn’t be punished simply for being successful and making a lot of money, local car wash attendant Christopher Jacobson told reporters Monday he opposed taxing the rich because he knew one day he might find a $20 bill on the ground.
just in case it were to happen. “Opportunities like that don’t come around every day. How fair is it for the IRS to swoop in the second I hit it big and grab a piece of my $20 jackpot? Plus, it’s a matter of principle: If I find any amount of money lying on the ground, whether it’s a $1 bill, a quarter, you name it—that should be mine and only mine. Uncle Sam sure as hell ain’t the one bending over to pick it up.
I know this is intended to be satire but it is very true!
I found a $20 on the street last week in New Richmond but still don't believe in trickle down economics.
PinkCryptoGirl all poor ass white people.. 😂😂😂😂
Basic GOP argument for anything that helps people
Trickle down economics......
Kamenspider Same
Every Trump boot licker.
Exactly
llawliet1187 😂🤣😅
It will be counterfeited.
HackinTimSeeley “Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat, but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.” - R. Wright
This is the logic of every braindead Elon musk stan
What is so sad is that so many people described their parents like this. God damnit Onion, this is too real.
Not to mention it's digging into my funds.
this isnt worth being put on an article + ratio
Attn: Joe the Plumber
Same man objects to 99c tax on basis of: Let them eat cake
His life of wealth is going to be short lived when he's popped for tax evasion for not reporting the $20 he found as income.
But if I work hard enough then I too could become rich?
Lol. He could start a bookstore from his garage, make vendor management deals with government entities, and then make the Senators yell about how rich he is!
finders keepers losers taxers ☹
Perfect stock douchebag photo
😂
CONT'D: Man also confident he's due to find a double sawbuck in a jacket pocket.
idk what to say
Man, what I could buy for $20.
Not to be a contrarian, but if taxes were higher, more rich people would leave $20 laying on the ground because they know the taxes would make picking it up obsolete.
Area peasant despises taxes—wants to deal with the rich the way they’ve always been dealt with: pitchforks, torches, and rebellion.
Hint, he's both Democratic, and Republican.
Even then, you don't get taxed on wealth, just on income gains. So shouldn't be a problem for found money.
A man has to have a code
'But what if I win a 700 million dollar powerball?!'
lol
A65
Brave Stance:
I feel like this is most Right-wingers' retirement plan.
'I hate socialism' says guy in a finger with a national health insurance scheme, and health insurance levy is taken on goods
JonathanCMull Silly
The billionaire defenders in the replies 🤦🏽♀️
The Onion needs to go back to fake reporting.
Sad, but true. We all need UniversalBasicIncome
rk70534 Brutal. Heidegger irony is the gift
Clearly the 20 dollar bill is tax deductible. Teach this man some financial literacy; to be able to dodge the new tax increases like the rest of the giant corporations! He will end up like the rest of the 99% who will be the ones taxed, instead of the intended corporations.
Man's fantasies apparently based on complete ignorance of tax law
If that ain't trickle down economy where some rich man 'accidentally' drops a dollar for a lazy man then I don't know what is anymore.
Fun fact: w.a.p. dries up so don't invest in that.
and the irs would know and they would tax it
Z
You think any billionaire has his/her wealth in cash? Of course not, it’s in investments and stock and bonds, etc etc. Taxing them more doesn’t pull their money out from under the bed, it removes from companies invested in the market, from bonds invested in a city etc.
Hey, show the billionaires some respect, they made it all on their own by treating workers like shit and moving money overseas to tax heavens!
lol
Because it is someones elses $20 which he has to look after for them, Giving the false impression he is $20 better off. The $20 is Tax Deductible. He clearly will not get rich if he cant play the system.
So concise it's funny...
Yeah that 20 billion might only actually get him 10 billion after taxes, the horror!
Once again, did a double take to make sure it was the Onion Why do all those Poor Suckers vote for the Rich Jerks that only take care of their Rich Buddies? I know people who depend on government Programs to survive, but vote for jerks that would like to cancel their next meal
Or win the lottery
FowlCurtis This is every Elon Musk fan
Taxing billionaires interferes with noblesse oblige, which is mostly a theory based on magical thinking.
lucygravil me and you finding those tenners
Average working american in a nutshell
That’s pretty much how people think!
Every conservative working stiff honestly believes he's one brilliant invention away from a mansion on a hill.
How mf selfish can that be💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Same.. ..only hoping it’s a scratch off lottery ticket
not to mention that even if he did find billions of dollars, he wouldn't be satisfied with just being 'very rich' instead of 'as rich as possible'
or win the lottery
That kind of wealth changes a person.
At this point I don't even hide it anymore I am a fascist
That's why I leave money I find right where it is. I'm not playing the government's game. If they want a piece of that money, they can bend over and pick it up themselves.
I’m holding out hope of finding a trillion dollar bill
So true.
behindyourback One day I hope to be born the child of billionaires.
No socialism, plz.
ТЫ ЗЕФИР ДЛЯ ЗОИ ЛИКА МС ПС
Literally every single middle or working class fiscal conservative.
I used to work with him
Look at the Onion laying truth on you. What is happening? ;p;
🤣🤣
Chinchillazllla 🤣🤣🤣🤣
unfollowed, not satirical enough 😠
the article is actually very funny because it mirrors the constant conservative phenomenon of running head-first into the point without acknowledging it
The man just wanted a peanut
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